As we sat and listened as the Psychiatrist went through each page in detail, we continued to shake our heads in agreement. The test results for our son’s Psych Evaluation were not surprising to us in anyway. As a mom, I’ve known from the time he was an infant that he had sensory issues. I’ve watched his anxiety take over his body and soul as his fellow nine-year old acquaintances around him play with innocence. I’ve watched as he tells us his heart is beating out of his body and he can’t breathe. I’ve listened as he consistently apologizes due to blaming himself for other people’s problems. I’ve watched his social awkwardness and his inability to make friends as children around him do.
I had personally diagnosed him years before the tests we had done this past month. I would watch the age go by as the milestones were not met. The inability to sit up, the lack of speech, the quirky crawling. Every time I brought it up to the doctor, I felt blown, but as a mom I knew, and I did not give up. We were able to get him a referral, and we took him in at five. We were told he was on the Autism Spectrum and given a big packet and told, “good luck.” Okay, not exactly, but that’s how it felt at the time.
Our sweet boy is beyond intelligent, and he is high functioning. Based on this, unless people are truly good at what they do or care for him enough to know his soul, they don’t see what he struggles with daily. He’s known as a rule follower. A people pleaser. A softhearted child. They don’t see the pressure he puts on himself to survive the day before he comes home and lets the flood gates open.
Listening to her read through the pages and give us the scores, while encouraging us along the way put a little spark in me today. The words she read from the paper were words I could have written myself. However it was very validating to have the specialist truly diagnose our child with General Anxiety Disorder. Her words were strengthening as she stated he was definitely on the Autism Spectrum. Did we doubt any of this? No. Do I feel other people doubt this? Yes.
I know we have friends and family that feel he is emotionally immature. The reality is, he thinks so much deeper than the other children his age, he’s not able to handle the thoughts he processes. Immature? No. Worried and concerned about the ideas beyond his control? Yes.
I know we have friends and family that do not understand his answers and why he bluntly tells people what’s going on. It’s part of the whole thing y’all. Welcome to his world. If you want to know the truth, you ask someone diagnosed with ASD.
He is blessed with teachers this year that understand him and go out their way to show him their hearts. They encourage and reassure him daily.
This meeting today changed my thought process overall. Other people’s opinions on my child do not matter. He is strong. He is intelligent. He is courageous. He is unique.
It reminded me that as his momma, I know my children. I should never second guess that. Their daddy and I are their biggest advocates.