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You don’t really know a person until you go through the hard together

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You don’t really know a person until you go through the hard together.

That’s when you see who they are,

how they respond and cope,

and how much they can handle.

Right now, you may be seeing him angry because he can’t control the Covid spread, and he’s been lashing out.

Right now, you may be seeing her distant because she doesn’t like to talk about feelings, and she has a lot of feelings when hard things happen.

Right now, you may be seeing him not affected because he doesn't attach much importance to things he can't control.

Right now, you may be seeing her fixing, trying to make things better for everyone, often neglecting herself.

Partnerships are learning about each other more than ever, and people can be messy, especially when we’re on top of each other.

Instead of getting mad at his reaction, delve deeper. What has he been through to make him respond that way?

We all have a browsing history that we can’t clear with a click of a mouse.

That’s why you don’t know a person until you go through the hard together.

Some people will see the hard as a threat and get into battle mode.

Other people will see it as an opportunity and look for ways to thrive anyway.

Some people will lay awake at night, sleeplessness haunting them.

Some people will fall asleep easily as their minds meander freely into random thoughts that turn into dreams.

We have to take into account our differences and come together.

Do we combust?

Can we diffuse each other?

When he’s stressed and acting angry, and you don’t take that behavior personally, you can let him feel his feelings and better support him through it without getting upset yourself.

There is something intimate, romantic even, about knowing someone at this level.

It’s knowing them from head to toe, from the inside out, and for better or worse.

If we can come together through the hard,

we’ll appreciate the good times together more--

and come out with more strength than ever before.

And no matter how hard it gets, teams are better than difficult times alone.

This post originally appeared on the author's Facebook. Her book Living FULL: Winning My Battle with Eating Disorder is available on Amazon:

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