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Ummm, No To You Mr. Halloween Costume Maker

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Halloween is just a few weeks away and my children already have visions of mounds of chocolate and sour candy dancing in their heads while they sleep. Wait, wrong holiday poem. My bad. My kids really are always so excited for the spookiness of Halloween, though. The decorations, the candy and the costumes. So much fun, right?

For a mother to a preteen girl, let me tell you, Halloween gets more and more not-so-fun. Every year that goes by I find myself dreading what she wants to "be". Luckily, my boys are fairly easy. I try to steer clear of gory, horror costumes (much to their dismay), but they typically come up with something that makes us both happy and doesn't involve anything too bloody or creepy. I'm a bit of a scaredy-cat, but some of those costumes for boys can be down right spooky.

But, I'll tell you what's even more scary, friends. Going to the Halloween store to find a costume for your almost teen daughter and having the choice be A) Sexy Nerd/Geek B) Sexy Witch C) Sexy Teacher or D) a huge, overstuffed Hotdog with ketchup and mustard on top - I mean, what the freaking WHAT?! What sick, SOB of a man thought up these costume ideas and who in the ever-loving world of innocence agreed to actually make and package them?!

In my possibly some-what over-protective and maybe a bit over-bearing and slightly over-dramatic motherly mind, I can't help imagining an overweight, balding CEO with fat, stubby fingers sitting behind a desk on his phone yell talking to the poor bloke on the other end that the "Sexy Handmaiden" costume will be the hit of 2018. "Bonuses all around!" he laughs.

Except, how can it be a "hit" costume if no one is buying it? Because, I mean, no one is buying them, right?!!?!? Please, PUHLEEZE, tell me no one is buying them!

Sadly I think we are becoming desensitized to these types of things in society. I mean, I can't even look at Homecoming pictures posted on social media without noticing that a lot of the girls are about a wind gust away from showing everyone their personal lady parts except for the fact that the dresses are so form-fittingly tight that no gust of wind, no matter the velocity, will blow anything around (which I guess is a good thing?)

But, I can't help but wonder what is keeping that ever-so-important inch of fabric pulled down over their nether regions? I am hoping there's tape under there. Lots and lots of tape.

I mean, the tighter the fabric, the more chances of it rolling up, right? Asking for a friend, of course. And said "friend" has had many a round with good ol' spanx. Spanx are by definition, body shapers made from spandex. Their purpose is to help someone who say, had 8 kids (just an example, of course) fit a bit better and feel a tad more secure in dressy clothing. But, the problem with them is they tend to roll. Like a burrito. And if you don't catch the rolling in time, they keep going right up - or down - or both - until they reach a road block which is typically your boobs, your gut or if you're really lucky, the other half of the roll. Wearing spanx is a commitment.

You have to really want it. And be willing to not breathe adjust it all night.

So, setting up that image, I am horrified at the thought of these beautiful girls with skin tight, fancy spanx-made-to-look-like-formal-wear dresses dancing their little hearts out only to have that small scrap of stretchy fabric roll up on them faster than a roller window shade in the morning.

Here's the sad reality though. It's not the nasty CEO I made up in my mind that's the problem, really. We are the ones buying these clothes for our daughters. We are sending them out into the world of the unknown with practically nothing unknown about their bodies. The dresses seem to get shorter and shorter and the shoes higher and higher. But, what about their self-esteem? Their confidence? Are those soaring as well?

Seems to me, the more provocative and inappropriate the "norm" gets, the more our girls are doubting themselves and questioning their worth. We need to be teaching them that they are SO much more than a skinny body or a high heel. Their worth is immeasurable and cannot be dictated through trendy fashions or costumes labeled "sexy".

Oh, and you may be wondering what my preteen will be wearing for Halloween?

She's dressing up as a football player. Complete with all the padding, protective gear and helmet. She loves it and thinks it's the best costume she's had yet.

So do I, honey. So do I.


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