I wish there was only one, because really all anyone needs is one. Just one to feel the intense emptiness and sadness that happens after a miscarriage. However, I had 6 ... and with those 6, the loss of 7 little loves. One of my miscarriages was twins.

So, when I'm asked about miscarriage, I am flooded with snapshots of moments of the highest of highs ... when I saw the stick say I was pregnant ... to the lowest of lows ... being in the room with the technician scanning my uterus for any signs of life and having that unbearable silence take hold. Everything freezes ... the air gets sucked out of the room and no one speaks. No one knows what to say, or wants to say anything. Just silent painful tears and my heart breaking into pieces — again.

In the end — or the beginning — my partner and I needed the help of a surrogate. My womb, my heart and my emotional well-being and sanity couldn't take it any longer. So, our little one was born from a true angel, who is now carrying our second.

So, happy ending? Yes? Yes. However, I still and will always feel that heartbreak. That sadness. That emptiness. I will feel that grief for the rest of my life and I am totally OK with it. Those babies were mine ... I will always be their Mama. Their legacy is for me to be awake and present for every moment of my living kids' lives ... and I am. Every smile, every cry, every funny thing my kiddo does, I cherish and never take it for granted. I hold all my babies with me.

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