“Does anyone else struggle with this?”
Right moms? In my groups this is absolutely the most common question.
The answer is a resounding, “Yes!”
There are certain things we struggle with and our kids struggle with, that we don’t want other moms to know. We worry they may judge us; gossip, or it may get back to our kids.
So we keep our struggles to ourselves, and feel like we’re the only ones who have these problems.
When another mom shares her harsh reality around parenting we’re kind of happy to hear it. Not that we’re happy she’s struggling! It’s that we’re comforted.
As our anxiety lessens, we can gain a new perspective, a sense of humor, feel more empowered and up to the challenge of motherhood.
When other moms say, “Me too!” We feel safe to open up and share our hearts.
You’re not alone moms, here are 4 “Me Too” Struggles we all have in common.
1. “Sometimes I feel like I can’t stand my child.”
It’s okay, the majority of us can’t stand one of our kids sometimes. They can be a real pain in the neck.
I’ve been known to go out to my car and scream at the top of my lungs punching the steering wheel. Other times I’ve locked myself in the bedroom and cried. And yes, I fantasized about shipping them off, and that’s okay!
In those moments I am sure I am the only parent who feels that way and just need someone to say “me too”!
You are normal, and not a bad mother, let me give you that reassurance, “Me too!”
2. “It wasn’t supposed to be like this!”
If we knew mothering would be like this, the human race would die off.
This was not our plan.
We can’t predict the future.
The truth is, there is only so much we can control. The harder we try to control our kids, the more trouble we seem to cause.
3. “Did I do something wrong to create this kind of kid?”
Rebellious, ADHD, learning disabilities, gender issues, socially awkward, anxious, depressed, lacks motivation, disrespectful, has made poor decisions – maybe you have kids that struggle in one or a few of these areas. And it’s not easy.
You didn’t pick this and you didn’t create it.
These particular struggles are ones we try so desperately to hide. Yes it’s difficult, and yes, there are no easy answers.
I find when I focus on changing myself and the way I parent in the midst of the challenge it deepens my relationships with my children.
I try to see the blessings in the challenge, the opportunities for growth. I remember to be grateful.
4. “I have no idea what I’m doing as a parent.”
Where did we get the idea that we’re supposed to know what we’re doing as a parent? I’ve never met a mom yet who did.
You get through the toddler years, and think “Yes, it’s easy street!” Then they turn into TWEENS!
Parenting adolescents isn’t like parenting at any other age. They’re going through so many developmental changes all at once, and we continually have to adapt.
Typical teenagers have raging hormones, can be disrespectful, self absorbed, unmotivated, moody, and emotionally distant, and they’re growing up in a culture that’s tough to understand.
Moms – it’s okay not to know what we’re doing. Parenting is ever changing and every child is different. We don’t have to have all the answers.
It’s worrying about a right way or wrong way that makes us think other moms are judging us.
We have to each decide what works the best for us.
The most important part is fostering our relationship with them.
There’s a sense of freedom and comfort when we can be okay with the fact that we don’t have things figured out completely.
I want you to know that whatever you’re facing you’re not the only one.
We get scared when our kids struggle; we feel alone and we don’t know what to do.
The greatest comfort moms have received in one of my groups is hearing the words, “Me too!”
On the journey with you!
xo Sheryl Gould