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Tears & smiles the perfect combo

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With a tearful smile, I fondly recall your little hand swirling around in the magenta paint, proud as can be, to stamp your mark on the crisp white paper.

I find the past few days, memories have been popping up and as the movie reel of life keeps rolling, a tearful smile takes over my heart.

The movie reel keeps spinning whether I press play or not.

It never stops and only allows me to pause every now and then.

This simply means I need to keep moving forward as well, no matter how many times I try to stop time.

As a mom, sometimes I’m on my knees wishing for the days to rapidly fast forward, to get through a certain phase, but other days I’m grasping frantically for the rewind button to stop time and soak it all in.

But I can’t stop life from happening and growing around me.

Rather I need to embrace it and allow myself to feel it.

Feel it.
Really feel it and embrace it all.

So lately, I feel through a tearful smile…

As I reflect, pride takes over, at the memory of how you once struggled through the torturous reading comprehension activities but still remained confident.

As I reflect, joy embraces me, at the memory of how you persevered through middle school and navigated the days which overflowed with insecurities and those awkward moments of self-doubt.

As I reflect, strength surrounds me and reminds me of the day you didn’t make the school team but asked, that same day, to practice to improve your game.

As I reflect, happiness consumes my heart, as I remember how you received accolades of praise from teachers about your kind heart and desire to help others.

My tearful smile, sweet child, is deep rooted in love.

My tearful smile is pure amazement at how you tackle challenges, head on, with grace.

My tearful smile reflects the pride I feel for who you are and for all you are bound to become.

So as I gently wipe away my tears of joy, I believe for a moment, the movie reel has paused…

I can still feel your five year old hand, entwined in mine, swinging through the air.

But as the movie reel keeps playing, what I truly feel is the warmth of a woman, holding my hand, who reflects inner strength, confidence and copious amounts of love.

I don’t need the movie reel to pause…

I simply need to live in the moment, holding your hand.

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