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Stop Wishing For

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Life travels by at the speed of light and it doesn’t seem to slow down unless we force it to do so. I find myself constantly wishing for something, anything, stupid things really: wishing for a day to sleep late and more me time, for a soulmate to randomly fall in my lap and live happily ever after with me, for more money, a better job, a bigger house, a cleaning lady, a well-deserved vacation, wishing for more down time with the kids, and less paperwork to do, for more hands and less responsibilities.

Ultimately, what I am doing is wishing my time away. I am letting my mind take me out of the here and now. My own mind and self-pity are guilty of stealing the very moments, which one day, strung together, will make up my one and only life.

I took my 10-year-old daughter to the library today. The parking lot was full, but we found a spot quite far away from the front doors. My mind was full of thoughts about the rest of the day. I was going over my mental to-do list and certainly wasting time wishing for things as well. As we approached the library, the pace of my legs matched the speed of my anxious thoughts, and I was anywhere but right there. When, suddenly, I felt my daughter’s small, soft hand grab mine as she interlocked her fingers with mine. My mind suddenly stopped racing and my pace slowed. My daughter grabbed my hand. I did not grab hers to keep her safe from cars pulling in and out; she is old enough to keep herself safe. She did not grab my hand because she was falling down and needed me to sturdy her. She did not grab my hand because we were in a crowded place and she was fearful of losing me. She grabbed my hand as a sign of affection. She grabbed my hand because she loves me, because I am part of her safe place. She grabbed my hand because it felt right at that moment; she is still young enough to not filter her thoughts and actions and think is this cool, am I too old for this? She grabbed my hand because she was living in the now and not overcome by worry, pity, and wishing for. She grabbed my hand because I am her one and only mom and she loves me unconditionally. She was 100% there in that moment with me.

She stopped my wishing for dead in it’s tracks when she grabbed my hand. I held her hand so tightly and I cherished that moment for as long as possible. I shut off those voices in my head. For a few short minutes, I was living in the moment, breathing in my blessings and taking nothing for granted. I loved the feel of her tiny hand in mind. I noticed the sun beating on us and the cold, crisp air through which we walked. I suddenly heard birds chirping, and I looked at this little girl and thought, I am the luckiest person in this whole, huge and complex world. What else could I possibly wish for?

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