My daughter was the prefect pregnancy, no morning sickness, no complications or anything, that is until she was born. I remember going into the hospital all smiles, yeah this is going to be a piece of cake. I started to push and then I heard her beautiful cry. It was magical, everyone in the room was glowing until I saw the look on the nurses face as she quickly took her from my arms and brought her to the warming table. She ask the Dr to please come over and they said that they were taking her to the nursery to give her a little oxygen and not to worry. Everyone followed the Dr and the baby to the nursery and I was literally left alone in the room with one nurse. My husband finally came back to the room and my father in law was trailing behind him, my husband turned to him and said dad do you mind if I have a moment alone with he? He walked up , grabbed my hand and just stared at me. I said what is going on, talk to me. The only words he could mutter was I am trying........ at that time I had a million things running though my mind, that is when he told me our daughter had swallowed amniotic fluid and marconium and that she had a 50% chance of living. They say they could hear me scream all the way down the hall and that is when my grandmother and family came in. I remember my grandmother rushing over to my bedside, holding my hand and saying a prayer. At that moment I have a huge peace come over me.
My daughter ended up only having to stay a week in NICU which is horrible to see your child with tubes going in and out of them, not being able to hold her but I think the hardest part was yet to come. Something that you aren't prepared for...... THE GUILT. When you go through something traumatic like that you have an overwhelming feeling that you have to hover over your baby. I remember when we started training her to sleep in her bed and she would just cry so loud and my husband would tell me it's ok she's all right. I sat in a rocking chair outside the door in the wee hours of the morning rocking back and forth, sobbing because I felt like a horrible mom for letting her cry like that after all she had been through. Thanks to my wonderful supporting husband we made it through and she was actually sleeping through the night at 3 months.
Then there was the first time she was dropped off at the church nursery and she screamed when I put her down and was banging on the door saying mama, mama. My heart sank and again I could feel an overwhelming guilt come over me. I knew she needed the separation from me and I knew I was doing what was best for her but why did I still feel so bad. After a couple of weeks she was actually holding her arms out to the nursery worker with a smile on her face.
Sometimes as moms it's easy for us to feel guilty about simple things like letting your baby cry because of that special bond we have with our children. Matter of fact I had a conversation with my cousin last month who just had a baby and she was having the same problem and that she had read in some book that letting your baby cry like that could hurt their brain cells. Being that my kids are now teenagers and that I completely got rid of the guilt after my 2nd kid I immediately said STOP READING THOSE BOOKS. After a few hard nights her son is now sleeping through the night and I can tell you that my beautiful daughter is a senior in high school this year with all A's and is going to college to be a vet tech.
I promise ladies her brain cells are just fine!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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