Through the years of motherhood, I have come to realize several ways I choose my own misery. In the hope of saving someone else…Here is my ever-changing maintenance list for parental sanity:

• Don’t compare yourself to others…ever. Man. There are some great parents out there. They cook amazing and often, always winning “the most organized person on the damn planet” award and look great doing it. Their house is tastefully decorated and spotless, they volunteer for EVERYTHING, and their kids are near perfect. So it seems. It works for them (and everyone else). BUT REALLY. Let it go. You do you. What you can handle and what works for your family is unique. Work on being satisfied with it. If you still have a nagging feeling of inadequacy, take a quick inventory of your skills, your desires, and apply yourself further in ONE of those areas. Conquer that, and move on to another.
• Routine. Yes. Learn it, live it, love it. Get a system in place for the most hectic parts of the day. Tweak them as you go along…Meal plan at least 5 days out. Make your list, shop, go home, pre-cook meals to last for a couple of days – and mark off one less chore to ponder.
• Slow down. Deep Breathing…ease up off the caffeine for at least one day a week. Yoga, “you time”…at least for an hour a week if you can't accomplish daily. Gain some perspective and explore your blessings and opportunities. While you are "refreshing", the kids will benefit from the statement that you are worth it.
• Unplug. Let’s play a game….it’s called turn off your phone, turn off the TV, video games, Ipad, & laptop; sit outside on the porch, cook dinner together, do chores together, and/or lay on the couch talking about everything and nothing – even if just for a couple of hours once a week. When plugged in, we tend to remain in a heightened state of urgency, always on call in some way. Instant access to everything, tasks "have" to be done immediately and you are always multi-tasking...turn that off- don’t check email, twitter, FB, Insta, or SnapChat. Just don’t. All ringers off – don’t even allow it to ding! The temptation to interrupt the peace may be too great. Besides, the endless chatter and tech noise will be there when you re-engage. Your family seeing that you have social media and work boundaries is a great example of modeling healthy habits. Work on making eye contact with them while talking about their day, don't be afraid to ask them to look at you, it will show genuine interest. Even if it’s awkward at first, stick with it. You’re the boss.
• Just say no. For real. You don’t have to be a yes woman or a yes man. Please help out – but don’t overly sacrifice to the point your family suffers. It's just not worth it.
• Accept help. You don’t have to be Super Parent all the time. Let the grandparents help, get a carpool going, involve your spouse more. It’s healthy for the kids to feel the love of “the village.” But that means…you have to check your controlling tendencies at the door.
• Choose to see the GOOD in every situation. Or be miserable pointing out what’s wrong with everything. I’m sure that will breed happiness. Nope, no it won’t. I tried.
• Pray with your kids every single night. The evenings are a wonderful gift. Bedside prayer offers a relaxation opportunity, a humbling and mutually vulnerable experience. We can ask for forgiveness for our mess ups together. We can express our gratitude for all that we have and all that we lack together. I have learned the most about my boys during prayer time. It is a must for us. If you aren’t into prayer, try some form of meditation, stretching, or massage at bed time. Create a few minutes where they know they can bring any concerns to you and the lines of communication are open.
• Take time out for your partner. Yes, I know you are busy and tired. But you must find ways to connect on all fronts to help feeling balanced. Make a point daily to show interest. It means work, but you can choose to make a light-hearted and quick connection or take a more deep and intense path. I prefer to switch it up and keep it fun…Life is too short to be uptight.
• Take care of YOU. If you are tired all the time, genuinely feel overwhelmed frequently, have unhealthy thoughts, trouble controlling your emotions and/or behavior and find exercise and supplements (B-12, Vitamin D, Iron) aren’t making a difference…consider seeing an MD, acupuncturist, chiropractor, therapist, wellness/life coach, etc. There may be something else going on…no need to suffer longer and worse than “normal” –whatever that means.

Life is full. It's bursting with obligations, frustrations, expectations, and we push ourselves to the brink of madness before we take notice. It's ok to be overwhelmed. It's OK. It means you need to step back and assess your situation. It mimics a wound, and if left unattended, can become infected or heal superficially, only to be re-opened later. Take a few minutes to think about what isn't working...talk to a friend or your partner. They may see something you don't. Listen with an unbiased ear. It may hurt to hear what they have to say, but you may benefit from listening honestly and applying their suggestions in some form or fashion. Pay attention to your feelings and make some small adjustments. You will find relief! Onward and upward, we carry on...