I always said I’d never be the mama who would just give my infant those low-nutrition puffs. He’d only eat organic fruits and veggies, grass-fed beef and free range eggs. I studied nutrition in college, after all, so I’d be a hypocrite to feed him anything unhealthy.
But I was desperate for my picky boy to eat something, anything, so I fed him the puffs.
I always said my kids would never have any screen time, ever! Instead they’d read books, explore nature, do crafts and check out the local children’s museum. They’d be so highly educated and cultured that they wouldn’t even bother asking for a tablet.
But I was desperate for some peace and quiet and there he was, begging to watch a favorite show.
I always said I’d be the perfect stay-at-home mom who never longed to work out of the house. Raising kids is my true calling, after all, and I wouldn’t need any more fulfillment. But, sometimes I’ve found myself scouring job postings online, hoping to find a little part-time work to get me out of the house.
I was desperate for a purpose other than mama, and a corporate job, at times, sounded so appealing.
I always said I’d never be the mama with the irreverent child in the church pew. I’d always promptly leave as soon as my kids got noisy. But there I sat, with my antsy toddler, trying desperately to breath in the message being spoken, clinging on to any little bits of hope or faith that were flung my way.
I desperately needed some sort of message from God that day, and so ignored the cues to exit the chapel with my noisy toddler.
Sometimes motherhood makes us desperate. Desperate for a break, for an end to the crying, for a nap and most importantly desperate for God’s grace.
And in our desperation, guilt can settle in. We often may feel bad about decisions we’re making, or feel sad that we don’t enjoy every single mundane moment with our tribe.
Mama, while we’re close to it, we’re not perfect. Some days, we may find ourselves doing things we never intended on doing. Our expectations of the kind of parent we thought we’d be may fly out the window as the realities of motherhood settle in.
But never forget, you are the perfect mama for your children. They’ll survive, and actually thrive, even if they eat puffs, and watch Baby Shark on the iPad, and go to daycare instead of stay home with you, and cry all the way through church. Your love is enough.
Continue on in your desperation, Mama. And please, let’s all promise to stop feeling so bad!
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