Head on microwave
Finger smacked in cabinet retrieving tea party set
Mom, you aren’t supposed to say f—
Kids fighting over a magic wand
Dog barking on the stairs
Wiping away tears
Back to breakfast
Scrambling little guy’s eggs
Packing older girl’s lunch and snack
Turkey sandwich again
Little guy makes hot chocolate in the Keurig
Grab the last paper towel
Where are the extra rolls?!
Can I call my dad? Why isn’t he picking up?
Little girl asks
Honey, it’s only 6 am
Up since 5 am
One kid woke another, then me
Unloading the dishwasher
Taking out trash
Toasting an English muffin
Heating up sausage
Big guy comes down
Zip your fly, brush your hair!
Did you finish your homework?
Older girl follows, half-asleep
Morning meds for strep and sinus infection
To older girl
Don’t forget your leotard today!
Brush teeth, everyone!
Clean up the dog’s pee
Wait, where is the dog’s favorite toy?
Here! On the living room rug
By his poop
Email older girl’s drama teacher
Let’s play a game, Mama!
Yeti in my Spaghetti
Little guy loses
No more Yeti in my Spaghetti
Am I an animal?
On to Headbandz
Actually I can’t play without the coffee
Glancing at newspapers
Picking out their outfits
I hate pants, little guy says
I want to wear my party dress! Little girl adds
I hate pants
Can I wear my princess dress?
No sweetie, it’s a school day
I hate pants
I know you hate pants, love, but it’s 20 degrees out
I hate pants. Only shorts.
I’ll give you two chocolate chips if you wear pants
I’m leaving for school!
You can’t leave yet. It’s only 7 am!
I don’t want to be late!
You need a sweater! A hat
I’m part Colorado
No you’re not. You were born in NYC
Can I watch TV now?!
Both girls beg
No! Still no!
But that one time you said yes!!
And I’m cursing myself for it
Quick check: any likes on Instagram?
Yes! One comment!
Mom, where’s my homework packet??!!
Older girl screams
I left it on my bed and now it’s gone!
I don’t know, I haven’t been in your room
Guys, I have to get dressed too
I have a podcast this morning with an amazing author
No one cares
No one even looks up
I can’t do it in my PJs, I add
I haven’t even brushed my teeth yet
Shower takes 15 minutes to heat up
Turn it on
Mom!! He took my favorite stuffed bunny!
You didn’t even like that animal yesterday
It’s my favorite!
Get off your phone! Stop texting your friends!!
But Mom, it’s important! She just called me!
You’ll see her in 20 minutes
Water still not hot
No time to wait for it
Now’s my moment
My face is broken out
Ran out of toner and moisturizer
Haven’t had time to reorder
Can’t find my tweezers
Eyebrow has errant hair on the far right of my eye
How did it even start growing there?
Is it even still called an eyebrow?
How do some moms work out in the mornings?!
Can I go visit him?
Let me think about it
Don’t think, say yes
Control top J. Crew tights
Does this fit?
Where’s that sweater?!
Where’s my wallet?
Where’s MY phone?
Trying to dry my hair
Daughter in door
Mom, can you make me Cream of Wheat?
What?! Now? We spent an hour in the kitchen!
I wasn’t hungry then
You have to leave in 10 minutes
So there’s no time for Cream of Wheat
Putting on lipgloss
Brushing my hair
Brushing her hair
Braiding her hair
I only want a ponytail
Like Jojo Siwa!
No, that’s not high enough
Can’t I just do a braid?
You’re getting a braid
Hey, flush the toilet!
Can’t find my purse
I hate pants, he says
Crap, it was dress down day for the big one
Call him on his cell
Well, you should’ve remembered too.
Why didn’t you check email while I was home?
Because everyone screams at me not to be on my phone!!!!
Special snack day alert pops up
I don’t have anything special
Skinny Pop it is
Feed the dog
Finish loading the dishwasher
I forgot to eat anything
Drink last sips of cold coffee
Hug my nanny when she walks in
Almost cry with relief
I’m walking out
Dog follows me, turning in circles, jumping up, barking
Someone grab the dog!
Be back soon to take the little guys to school!
Honey, do you have your leotard? Lunch? Snack?
Wait, I forgot my water bottle
Hold the elevator!
Wait, my friend is calling me
Turn off your phone!
Little girl pops out front door
Wait, Mom, can I go see my daddy before school?!
I’ll text him from the car, sweetie
Don’t say we’ll see! I hate when you say we’ll see
I hate pants, little guy says again
Open too long
Coming!!! Don’t yell!!
Bye guys! Back soon!
It’s 7:45 am
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