It happens at every single stage of motherhood; from pregnancy to labor and delivery, and all through until your children are fully grown. It even continues on from there.
With this being my first baby, I didn’t really know what to expect in the shaming department. I truthfully didn’t know how soon I would experience it.
Until I did.
I know it sounds gross, but my husband and I really didn’t have to try to get pregnant. Of course, I didn’t plan on that happening, but it happened.
Our pregnancy was planned, I mean, but the fact that it happened so quickly, of course, was surprising.
When we found out, I was planning to wait to tell people until I was at least three months or so along.
When we hit that mark, I felt comfortable letting people know. I had an acquaintance that I had met a few months ago, and I knew that she and her husband were trying (and struggling) to get pregnant.
I went back and forth on whether to tell her, as I certainly did not want to upset her, but I knew she would find out soon anyway, so I decided to tell her the news. She knew that it didn’t take us long to conceive.
I saw her eyes well up with tears, but she looked me right in mine—
“Well aren’t you lucky? She asked.
“Must be nice to not have to struggle”.
I was speechless. There aren’t many moments in my life when I can’t find words, but here was one of them.
“I’m sorry”, I said. Though, I had no idea what I was apologizing for.
Apologizing for being pregnant? Apologizing for my body becoming pregnant so quickly?
Unfortunately, our relationship didn’t last too much longer after that.
I felt shamed and ashamed, for something that was completely out of my control.
I understood the mom-shaming for choosing to have an elective induction and I understood the mom-shaming for choosing to have a medicated birth. I don’t agree with the shaming, but I get it, since those were things I could control.
Getting pregnant quickly, however, was not.
I’ll never understand how, or why, women shame each other.
I’ll never understand why women knock each other down.
I’ll never understand why women don’t build each other up.
I’ll never understand why women can’t, or don’t, support each other.
I’ll never understand why our differences, regardless of what they are, should keep us from being a united front.
We’re supposed to be a team. We’re supposed to be here for one another.
We need each other.
So you see, unfortunately, while mom-shaming doesn’t discriminate—
Quite frankly, love and support shouldn’t either.
This post was originally published on the author's Facebook page.