So often I find myself struggling with the game of tug-o-war over the ever burdening emotion of feeling guilty.
The thoughts of all of the things "I feel bad about" encircle my being, my brain and essentially take over my body as if being abducted by aliens where they take my clothes and leave me standing there naked and exposed... okay, slight exaggeration, but you get the point... I feel a sense of guilt and loss of emotional control.
Lately, I have this ever presence of guilt... I feel guilty for spending time alone with my husband without the presence of our four daughters. Our daughters range in age from 12-15 years old, yes there are twins in there, and they are busy as ever therefore allowing us some much needed alone time. Maybe one is at ballet rehearsal, studying for a Chemistry test at home or they are out with friends.
You get the point, we now have a quiet house after all of these years of constantly being needed and rather than feeling a loss, we are back to where it all began, with the two of us dating! My husband and I have been going on long walks and getting uninterrupted time talking, exploring hiking trails right down the road from us, dining at restaurants that have been on our list or going for a beer at the local pub. We are really enjoying every moment of it... that is... until my guilt of feeling bad sets in.
I often asked my husband if he feels guilty while we are on our date and the kids are studying or out with friends. His answer every time.. Nope!
How is it that we raise these children together and he is free from the guilt trap but I often can't take another step forward without him validating that we are not bad parents for spending this time alone and rather to look at it as our reward for raising and continuing to raise responsible, kind, independent and loving young women.
But the question still arises...Why was he spared from this? Or better yet, why am I not spared? The more I talk with other moms so many of us are feeling this way and bursting with the guilt eating away at us and not allowing ourselves to enjoy the moment, whatever moment that may be.
So, I say enough with this... we as moms, who have put all of our heart and soul in to raising our children, need to muster up the courage to let our time without our children be cherished and not feel guilty.
We need to encourage each other, whether it is a date night out, going to work or on business trip, a girls night out or simply alone time doing whatever our amazing mom hearts desire that it is okay.
Most importantly,we need to tell each other, we are more than amazing mothers and our children will be just fine while we take this time to recharge our own precious selves. We need to validate to every mom out there feeling guilty that she is a phenomenal woman, partner, mother and friend and she deserves to not feel bad anymore. We need to let go of this guilt.
Now let me go back and reread this over and over again since I feel bad that I spent time away from the girls to write this... mom guilt sucks!