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Challenge: Stop Mom Judging

I've Had Enough of the War on Moms!

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I've had enough!

My kids are city kids. My babies have grown up going out to eat at busy restaurants, ordering for themselves and reading books quietly in coffee shops. I am the manners police so please and thank you fly out of their mouths like curse words fly out of mine (often and with intention). In general they are incredibly well behaved. I complain and joke about how awful they are but I worked with kids for many years and can tell you from personal experience, mine are a freaking cake walk compared to some of the adorable terrors out there. None of this should matter, because they are kids and kids will be kids. They are sometimes loud, excitable, and whiney. It’s all part of growing up.

My husband and I took a road trip with our littles recently, and stopped for dinner at a casual seafood restaurant near the Connecticut River. It had been a long day of driving and a million errands completed, but my children had been so patient and fun the entire day. My daughter walked in first and said hello to the Hostess. She asked politely if she could pick our table. The woman was very sweet and impressed with my girl and told her she could pick any table in the restaurant. My daughter chose a lovely table by the window that overlooked a little garden. She loves flowers and excitedly said (in a voice a little louder than an adult would use) “Mama! They have Lilies and hydrangers!” At that moment I saw a man put his head in his hands and shake his head. I brushed it off, but just in case told my girl to remember her inside voice because people were enjoying their dinner (at 5:30pm!).

We sat, discussed our options on the menu and made decisions quickly; it’s never good to keep kids waiting for food for too long. The waitress was kind as my daughter ordered for her and her baby brother. My husband order the expensive steak special and I ordered something cheesy with lobster that sounded delicious and fattening. The waitress returned with our drinks. My daughter thanked her, again in a voice slightly louder than an adult would use, but she has been taught to say thank you so the person she is thanking can hear her. I smiled at the waitress as she walked away; she mouthed “so sweet” to me and pointed to my daughter as she continued walking. Then my eyes settled on a woman shaking her head and ticking her tongue AT ME. I whispered to my husband “that’s the second person that seems annoyed by the kids.”

We gave it a few more minutes and I received yet another glare from both the tongue ticker and the man who had to bury himself in his hands and soup to escape the sound of my children when we walked in. I leaned in and whispered to my husband again “we should move.” He picked up my son and walked to the hostess stand, which was around the corner from the main dinning area. Just out of sight, I heard my son scream “MAMA!” and begin to cry. At that a woman at another table yelled “oh my God” and clasped her hands over her ears as the man at her table shouted to her “don’t you just love that?” The tongue ticker began to tick and shake her head again, and the man at her table looked up from his soup and stared at me like I was killing his dog in front of him…

That is when I snapped.

“I have had enough!” I stood up, picked up my daughter and continued, “How dare you all treat us this way? How dare you treat my small children this way? You were all children, and many of you had small children at some point! I will not apologize or continue to be shamed by you!” I looked at my husband from across the room “we’re leaving!” My daughter, innocent and confused, asked, “Mama, I was doing good listening why are we leaving?” I explained, loud enough for everyone to hear “baby, it’s not you, these people are rude and we don’t like rude, right?” She nodded and forced a smiled, fighting back tears.

As I was walking out a man said, “I don’t have a problem with you.” I replied, “thank you, Sir. You are not the problem. It was her, and her and him, and that guy there as well” and proceded to point out each person who seemed to have a problem with us from the second we walked through the door. “You should all be ashamed of yourselves”

I've had enough of the Mommy Wars: peers judging and shaming each other. I am also tired of the WAR ON MOMMIES! When did it become acceptable to disparage parents for bringing their children out in public? When did it become commonplace for “The Village” to scold and shame the mother instead of helping and supporting? I will not stand by quietly any longer. I will call out the offenders. I promise to try to be as kind as possible. I will explain how judgment makes me anxious and scared which makes the situation worse. I will not look the other way and shrink in the corner while shushing my son and daughter. I never want my children to see their mother shrink again.

I will praise the supporters, my tribe- moms, dads, friends, and family. Those who help a mother walking up the subway stairs, carrying a baby bag, groceries and stroller. The people who stand up and offer a seat on the bus for the pregnant woman and her 3 year old. The older mothers who see a struggling new mom and pat her on the back and say, “you’re doing a great job.”

I am part of an amazing Mom Movement, called Mommitment. We make a mom commitment to be part of the solution for ending mom wars by not judging each other and showing compassion to those judging us. I’m amending my original Mommitment to stop judging and adding I will SPEAK UP! Because I have had enough!

To learn more about Mommitment and join the Mom Movement:



TWITTER: ‪@Mommitment‪



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