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Challenge: Pregnancy Secrets

​ I'm Here To Tell You, Your Kids Don't Give A Beeeep That You're Pregnant!

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Oh pregnancy, it’s such a glorious nausea filled time. Some things never change, this is true with pregnancy symptoms. Whether you’re on preg. #1 or preg. #5 you’re bound to feel the hormones wreaking havoc on your body. But there are some things you should know, things that may not even seem like a worry till your knees deep in any pregnancy over the first one. For me, these happenings are occurring during #3. Every woman is different, maybe my #3 was your #2.

I’m here to break the silence, to let you in on some secrets. If you get nothing more from this, please know, your other offspring do not (I repeat DO NOT) care about your pregnancy symptoms.

  • You will still be nauseated/vomiting, you will not do so in peace. While you’re hovering the golden throne throwing up the lining of your stomach, YOU SHALL NOT DO SO IN PEACE.

  • Fatigue will hit epic proportions. You will absolutely be just a fatigued as previous pregnancies! All you have to do is multiply that times the number of chitlin’ you have walking around and however many years older you are since the last one and you’ll come to your epic answer! I’m at 5x the fatigue I had in my previous pregnancies (and that’s on a good day). People will say to you “just nap while the toddler naps” HA.. What and miss out on all the fun exhaustion has to offer? Live in a filth ridden home? Why would I do that? Nap Time=Mommy GO Time. Nap time is when I get shit done. Oh then there are the “just get to bed earlier” people. To you people I say this. “Why in God’s name would I do that, when I’d much rather stay up doing one of the following”: Make a Wal-Mart run because someone just remembered they have a project due tomorrow and we have nothing for it. Or why go to sleep when I can stay up cleaning a sink full of dinner dishes? Oh I could go to sleep, but getting my first shower in 4 days, seems to be on the top of my priority list these days. Again, you WILL BE TIRED. You’ll find yourself nodding out mid Paw Patrol episode, while helping with homework, cooking dinner, or folding a load of laundry. Whenever I am tempted to nap, I remind myself that getting sleep means I’ll miss out on all the awesomeness that running on fumes adds to my life! Have kids they said, it’ll be fun they said!

  • Emotions. Those should roll right in, as soon as you pee on a stick! You’ll cry at a Doc McStuffin episode, or the damn Pampers commercial they keep playing on Nick Jr. You will cry because your husband in 2 minutes late getting home from work, because that’s 2 minutes you’re stuck wingin’ parenting and pregnancy by yourself. You’ll have a meltdown because your oldest is 12 and your youngest 2, weeping you’ll say “what happened to my babies”? Your oldest child will ask daddy “is mommy ok” and your youngest will hug you and say “mommy, you sad? I love you” both of which will make you weep more because, they love you. Then you’ll cry because you just know you’re a bad mom (insert: kids are fighting for 967 time, you sent 1 to school with a stained shirt, and you gave them McDonalds).You’ll cry because the dog shit in the house AGAIN, or for no reason at all. Then you’ll cry more because you don’t know why no one understands why you’re crying (including you). Everyone in the house hold, including the dog, will question your emotional stability (or the lack thereof). To which you’ll scream “I’m Fineeee” because, mood swings, ya know.

  • Speaking of mood swings!!! Check those little bastards off the list cause they’re still full throttle too, lucky you! This one hasn’t so much applied to my children (okay you’re right, it has) but more to my poor husband. He didn’t take the trash out? The word a$$ho!e is flying through the living room, on the other hand he did work 13 hours today (mood swing)? Has to work late, not okay, does he realize I’m stuck in motherhood (aka single mom mode) 12 plus hours a day, 5-6 days a week? Poor guy, I know he’d rather be at home (mood swing). The kids have said “mom” 4,629 times and its driving me crazy, oh but they need me and their growing so quick, they won’t need me for forever (mood swing). You get the point, as Katy Perry said it best “You’re hot then you’re cold, you’re yes then you’re no”. Please keep all hands, mom buns, and baby bumps inside the ride, for the next nine months, it won’t stop till then.

  • It doesn’t matter what pregnancy number you’re on, you’ll still need to be like a Russian race horse, every 5 minutes. Add the fact that your bladder is “aging” and urgency is now a factor too, you’ll contemplate adult diapers (cause when you do laugh, pissing your pants is a definite possibility). Anyway, just like before you were preggo, YOU WILL NOT PEE ALONE. No matter how many times you enter your second home (the bathroom), little people will appear within seconds. Sometimes I just look at them and ask “Do you seriously have nothing better to do with your life, other than watch me pee 62 times a day”? The majority of the time, these little people will act as if the need something that very minute. They’ll need you to read a book, refill a water cup, ask if their head is shaped weird, or they want to know why the sky is blue, sometimes they just need to know why Christopher Columbus thought the world was flat. These little people are sneaky, they don’t need any of these answers or things done, they only want to invade your privacy. Stand your ground momma, lock the door, and pee in peace.

Someone will want you to open a snack. Someone will ask for a friend to come over. A toddler will come in, while you’re mid-barf and demand to use the “potty” you’re vomiting in, to go pee- pee. Because apparently none of the other “potties” in the house are sufficient. You will possibly become use to just swallowing the content of your stomach when it comes up. Because toddlers, ya know!

Some days you’ll question your thought process behind having another minion, you’ll think you’re crazy for doing this all over again. Don’t listen to those thoughts, it’s just the hormones, mood swings, and emotions getting to you! When this happens, try eating a cupcake! You are a rock star momma, you will survive this pregnancy, just like the ones before. Even though your kids don’t give two shits that you pregnant. You just have about 83 new hurdles to jump before you get to the finish line (aka your due date)! When that day comes, you’ll look at your life and all your littles and think “It was all worth it”! Oh I almost forgot, CONGRATULATIONS!!


A Momma Enduring Pregnancy #3

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