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Are you my mommy too"? My niece asked. "No, I'm not." "You already have a mommy. But I love you with a mommy's heart, too," was my response. As I write this, I am a 47-year-old female who suffers from symptoms of Stiff-Person-Syndrome, a neurological disorder that quite frankly sounds made-up. SPS is a disorder with an autoimmune component that causes muscle stiffness, rigidity, and painful spasms. Initially, in my late 20's, I was told I had IBS (irritable bowel syndrome) and could benefit from stress management given my busy work and college schedule. Later in my mid to late 30s, my complaints of hot flashes were dismissed by my OBGYN as I was supposedly too young to suffer from menopause. About a year later, I sought help from a nutritionist who checked my hormone levels and gave me the shocking news that I was in menopause. In disbelief, I went back to my OBGYN to insist on testing my hormone levels, and then it was confirmed. Of course, I was angry for not having had my initial complaints taken seriously, and in the end, I had to go through the grieving process and accept my infertility status. As it turns out, a 2018 research review concluded that approximately 5 percent of women experience early menopause (https://www.womenshealth.gov/menopause/early-or-premature-menopause), and clearly, I fell into that 5 percent. The point of all this is not to come across as a victim worthy of self-pity or solely focus on my medical history or even the statistics of early menopause. My true intent is to say that in the midst of all this, I found that I could still express "mother-like" love.

Technically speaking, I am an aunt to three nieces and two nephews. I have spent what felt like a lifetime focusing on my career working with children and their families, only to discover that, given the rest of my medical conditions, I would never give birth to my own children. So instead, I focus on what I can do. I work as a clinical developmental assessor for the special needs community and spend my off days with my nieces and nephews, who try to grasp the difference between my mothering tendencies or, should I say, acts of "love" towards them. But in the hearts and minds of the little ones I hold dear, I guess the message I hope they take hold of someday is that I may not be their actual mother but can extend to them that "mommy love" as an add-on, an extra dose of unconditional love and adoration. And as they grow, I hope to demonstrate the diverse types of motherly love. I want them to remember all that I tried to accomplish despite my physical limitations and the love I was still able to give them despite it all.