I’m sorry that dinner was in such a rush tonight. I know you didn’t have much time before you and Daddy had to leave for Boy Scouts. Crazy season we’re in, isn’t it? You might not understand what I mean by that right now, but you will someday. Best not to rush it. But I hope you remember that mommy worked hard at her job and sometimes that means getting home a little later than I’d like, but that we always sit together to eat as a family at our crumb-and-homework-laden table.
I’m sorry I snapped at you the other day when you left the library book outside. “Great! Now we’re gonna have to pay for that.” and “How many times do I have to tell you?!” Truth is, you get a lot of your quirks from me. I’m a daydreamer like you and sometimes I forget things. I shouldn’t yell at you for that. But I hope you remember that I am immensely proud of your love of reading. And, for that matter, the daydreaming. I hope you learn, learn, learn and dream, dream, dream all your life.
I’m sorry I didn’t sit on the couch with you when you asked me to check out the Diary of a Wimpy Kid book you’re reading. I said I was too busy. I think sometimes I am busy with the wrong things, and I need to stop letting these moments pass me by. But I hope you remember the whole-family tickle war we had a few hours later. And how, when I was getting dinner ready, we laughed when your little sister waltzed into the kitchen wearing a bathing suit and my high heels. Who cares if it’s 35 degrees outside, she’s always ready to party. I love seeing you and your siblings smile.
I’m sorry I never say yes when you ask me if I want to play a video game with you. The truth is, it’s just not who I am. I can’t stand staring at a screen, building Minecraft castles or defeating bad guys. I know it brings you joy, but it’s not for me. But I hope you remember all the times we’ve gone walking outside, the trips to the park, and that game we play where you lean against the inside of our trampoline safety net, and I pretend to push you so hard that you fall onto your back like an anvil, and you laugh and laugh and laugh.
I’m sorry I haven’t been laying with you at bedtime very often. “Not tonight.” Seems like I say it more and more. Not tonight. I’m busy. Not tonight. Mommy has work to do. Not tonight. The laundry won’t do itself. I know the time is coming soon where you won’t even ask anymore. Too cool for snuggles with mom. But I hope you remember the nights I do say yes, and we talk about your day and you ask me silly questions or tell me factoids to prolong the inevitable slumber.
I suppose I don’t need to overuse the apologies though, when I really think about it. I mean, after all, I’m human, and we all make mistakes. Isn’t that a comfort? Mommy makes mistakes. So do you. And that’s okay. We learn from them. We grow from them. We move on. But I hope you remember, that you hold a piece of my heart, that I’m doing the best I can, and that I love you to the moon and back. Oh, my oldest baby, who is growing up much too fast, how I hope you remember.