That is me in the photo. My best friend is the person in the back seat taking my picture.
She took this photo six years ago. Shortly before this photo I stood in a hair salon and wept at her beauty when she stepped out of the bathroom in her wedding gown—which had pockets! She giggled because she said no one had ever cried over her before. After I composed myself we had a good laugh at my ridiculous sobbing and I stuffed her—wearing her beautiful wedding gown—in the back of my Honda and I drove my friend to see her mother before the wedding.
I drove my best friend to her mother’s grave.
I drove my best friend to visit her mother on a day she would have given anything to have her mother in that car with her instead of me. I drove her while she stretched herself across my little sedan in the most beautiful gown you have ever seen (did I mention her dress had pockets) trying her best to keep herself composed, her makeup flawless, and her dress unwrinkled even though I know her heart was aching that her mother was not here for this day.
I pulled into the cemetery not knowing what to do. Do I go with her, do I stay in the car, should I go help and hold her beautiful gown?
My mind was racing how to best serve my friend in this moment, until I felt God whisper JUST BE.
I listened to that feeling and I was just there, off to the side, watching and praying waiting to JUST BE whatever she needed me to be for her. I stood praying for God to give her strength to love every minute of her wedding day even though part of her heart was missing. I prayed for my friend to feel her mom with her, I prayed for my friend to see God breathing in every part of her wedding day.
When she was ready we loaded up to drive to her forever. We drove without words, we drove while God continued to whisper to me, JUST BE.
So I listened, I was just there for her in body, waiting to JUST BE whatever she needed me to be for her.
Today my best friend is having a baby. She is traversing another beautiful milestone lived in this life without her mom. I can never know the weight of a motherless mother. I can never complete the missing pieces of her heart where her mom is missing, although I want to attempt to fill the holes as best I can. I feel God always whispering to me, JUST BE.
So I will.
I will JUST BE whatever she needs me to be.
I will be her cheering section when she does well in life.
I will be her supporter when she tests new opportunities.
I will be a listening ear when her heart needs one.
I will cry when she cries.
I will rejoice when she rejoices.
I will tell her she is beautiful when she doesn’t feel it (because I truly think she is).
I will offer my help even though she always refuses it.
When she is navigating diaper rashes, terrible twos, and potty training I will be there to share my experiences as a mother. I will be ready to offer any advice when she asks, and withhold it when she doesn’t.
I told her I would be with her today, to hold her hand and stand by her side, I told her if she wanted I would be there to JUST BE.
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