Parents, you’ve got questions, we’ve got answers.

Or just as likely, we’ve got questions and you’ve got answers.

Challenge: Open Discussion

How I had reality knocked into me by my eight-month-old daughter– The Mirror Effect

Vote up!
Share on Facebook Share on Twitter Email this article

What does your child see when they look in the mirror, how do they view themselves?

Everyone we come in contact with is reflecting back to us a part of our lives and ourselves. Some people trigger feelings of love, hate, fear, and insecurities and we look at them and blame them for us feeling a certain way.

I had a stepdad who always used to tell me “always remember that when you point your finger at someone, there are three fingers pointing back at you”, and although I am sure many of you have heard this saying, I never understood it until I had an aha! moment of the concept of “the mirror”.

When you judge someone, when you dislike someone, when you feel a certain way about a person’s actions or behavior, it’s triggering that which lives within you that you see in them. It is a whole lot easier to say they are making you feel that way than to say “These are my feelings, and I’ve buried them and put them away, but when you trigger me, you are showing me the wounded parts of me I don’t want to see”.

It took me a long time to realize this, I used to walk around blaming everyone for everything I’d gone through, for the decisions I’d made, and the person I had become. You see, by staying in a victim and unaccountably state I didn’t have to be responsible for my behavior, my life, or my feelings. I thought that how others treated me was their fault, and not a reflection of the energy I was emanating from within myself.

By judging others, I was only showing how much I judge myself and a reflection of my own self-esteem. I constantly had a reason for why I couldn’t, shouldn’t, and wouldn’t do something. By putting my responsibility on others, I didn’t have to show up for ME. And although at the moment it seemed okay, that little voice in my head was always there to remind me that something just wasn’t right.

Problems, situations, behaviors from others are things we are never going to be able to control, however how we react to them directly reflects who we are and how we see ourselves.

“Life is 10% of what happens to you, and 90% of how you react to it”

All of the things that we send out energetically are the things our children see. They don’t see the hard-working parents or how much you sacrificed, instead, they are learning how life works and behavior is expressed through you. They have no filters, so they see everything for what it is and how it is, whether good or bad. Many of the things we carry about our self-image are adopted behaviors, beliefs, and emotions that are not ours. our parents have reflected their own emotional state and we have adopted it as truth and now the vicious cycle continuous when we too do the same.


We want our children to look in the mirror and see the best version of who they are, but it is up to us to teach and show them how to do so. If we make a mistake, we have to own up to it. Showing our little ones that it is okay to make mistakes and learn from it teaches responsibility, and with self-behavior showing them that the best form of apology is changed behavior. This also shows that vulnerability is a strength, not a weakness allowing room for healthy growth and self-love.

I remember when I was pregnant, I thought about all of the things I wanted to teach my daughter, including to love herself, be strong, a superwoman in the making, until I had reality knocked into me by my eight-month-old daughter who showed me that no matter what I wanted her to be, she was slowly mimicking who I was. She showed me I had to love myself, I had to take my power back, I had to believe and trust in myself, but most importantly– that I shouldn’t do these things for her (although she was a major drive), but I had to do it for me. So when I look in the mirror what my eyes see is what she will see. When you heal for you, you are showing your children responsibility, strength, and love for self. This is what we want them to see, so they can replicate those behaviors as well.


What do you see when you look in the mirror? Do you like what you see? What can you make better? What do you love about what you see? What do you feel towards the person you see in the mirror?

I am not saying we must be perfect, but the willingness to identify those things that limit us to love, to grow, and to be at peace determines where we choose to stand and where our children will stand. It isn’t about being perfect, it’s about being happy in your own skin and promoting that to your children through your own behavior.

I am a Theta Healing practitioner, I help children and adults to heal and transmute the wounded parts of them that hold them from being their best version by releasing blockages, traumas, and beliefs that limit their emotional, physical and spiritual growth. For more information on how I can help you or supporting tools available to help you visit my website today. Follow us on Instagram and Facebook

This post comes from the TODAY Parenting Team community, where all members are welcome to post and discuss parenting solutions. Learn more and join us! Because we're all in this together.