Everything triggers my anxiety.
Okay, not everything, but a whole hell of a lot makes the
God and people-pleasing,
always worried, but hopeful woman inside of me...
I hate that word, but yeah.
Sometimes I feel a bit cookoo.
Not one flew over the cookoos nest nutty
I'm not about to pull a Britney and shave my head though
I've got to say,
I GET IT.
I have feelings.
I have an over-abundance of them.
Perhaps too many?
But they are authentic as hell and genuine to me,
and though they are, unfortunately (fortunately?) a big part of who I am,
they are not at the crux of who I am.
My anxiety does not define me.
I will not allow it.
But it is something I deal with regularly.
I don't take meds for it.
I don't have any sort of diagnosis.
I don't see a therapist.
Yet, I struggle.
But then I work through my sh*t in my own way and feel that I am better because of it.
Though absolutely NOT better than anyone that
does take meds,
sees a therapist
or has a diagnosis.
Listen, we've all got our 'things' about us.
Maybe you're unintentionally pretentious.
Perhaps you ride the line between being self-aware and self-centered.
You might even be someone who is so hellbent to live their dream, you'd cut very dang corner to make it happen.
Maybe you devalue yourself on the regular because of something in your past.
You could be a hypochondriac.
Perhaps your a rat in the race, chasing the Joneses or unsure of your larger purpose.
I'm just a woman who feels it all.
Like the looks in people's eyes,
the tone of their voices,
the practically silent whisper I should not have been privy too,
the constant, often conclusion-jumping, dramatic chatter inside my own brain.
Almost everything triggers my anxiety, that's my truth,
but by the smile on my face,
you'd never know it.
And that's so very real for many of us that wear heavy consternation underneath our lighthearted outward demeanor.
It's not fake.
It's not us pretending.
It's us making the hard and brave as hell decision to push past any and all
and often unwarranted
feelings of unease,
to meet the big and small challenges we face in our everyday life.
A life that is, in the big scheme of things, a very blessed one.
Everything triggers my anxiety, but do you know what's very cool about triggers?
and a hell of a lot of growth.
I'm not embarrassed by my anxiety, and that's why I talk about it.
I'm not embarrassed by anxiety,
and if you deal with it too,
I hope you know you shouldn't be either.
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