Lately, it’s been a struggle for me to write. There’s so much grief inside of me and usually I cope by sharing with others. But, I sit down to write and the words won’t come. Even though there’s so much that I want to share, right now doesn’t feel like the right time.
Because right now, the world is in crisis and it feels insensitive to shift my attention away it all.
I almost feel petty for wanting to talk about how much I miss my daughter who died. It feels inappropriate for me to grieve anything but the chaos of the world around me.
After all, my grief is not new. Some might wonder why I spend my time looking back. There’s so much wrong with the right now, is there a point in grieving my past.
My grief is just the grief of one person. Does that matter when the entire world is also grieving?
I think it does. I believe that even when the world is in crisis, my grief still matters and yours does too.
Even though the world is in chaos and it feels hard to justify our own personal heartache.
Even if you are wondering if your grief, your loss, or your baby still matters when crisis is on such a grand scale.
It does matter.
It all matters.
Even if you’ve had to shelve your heartache to focus on the well-being of others.
Even if you’ve felt guilty wanting to talk about your baby who died when others are experiencing grief that is so raw and so new.
Your grief still matters.
Your baby still matters.
Even when the world feels like it’s falling apart, you are allowed to focus on your own private world of grief and longing. You don’t have to minimize your heartbreak just because other hearts are breaking. There is space for all of it.
It’s not a case of either/or. It’s about both/and.
It’s about holding different experiences together instead of keeping them apart.
Others are in crisis AND my heart hurts.
People’s loved ones are dying AND I miss my own baby.
I know that I have so much to be grateful for AND I am struggling.
All that you’re feeling is valid. The despair of another does not erase your own.
It’s exhausting to hold space for so much. To keep others in your thoughts while making sure they don’t diminish your own, it’s a lot to bear. But, it’s important to know that you never have to choose. You can feel it all.
You matter. Others matter. Your baby matters.
And my baby does too.
Originally published on An Unexpected Family Outing.