I was almost going to become a dad and then a tornado happened in our lives (my wife Dipa and Me).
We two married in 2010 and my wife first conceived in the year 2012. We are happy and a new member was coming to our lives.
I was an immature husband at that time.
Maybe it was just 10-12 days before his time to come to this world, the boy died in his mother’s womb. I will not narrate the mental stress I went through at that time. And I will also not narrate my wife’s feelings of that time (still she cries sometimes).
I can feel the pain of Katrina.
After the deadliest incident happened in our lives, my wife conceived again (she was crazy to get another child to cope up with the previous incident), and this time my eldest daughter came in our lives.
Frankly speaking she was not happy when she heard that we were going to be parents of a daughter. This is not the reason that we discriminate between a boy and a girl. The reason was as our first child was a boy and died in the womb, so she and me also wanted to have a boy to forget that deadliest incident.
Let’s make the long story short. We had our first daughter on 16th August, 2013.
And I started to become a dad. Maybe a bad dad. A bad dad (I am ashamed for being a bad dad).
Less patience, screaming for nothing ☹ Maybe a bad husband, too!
I did not know how to handle a wife and children. Don’t blame me, I did not get any lessons (maybe few) from my family, actually.
I saw my father and mother having bad fights, use of bad language, and maintained a lower-middle-class economy lifestyle.
I was a bright student (more accurately, was one of the toppers in my country, later became an Engineer from the top university of my country). That was my asset. But merit + (no discipline) = will not take you to the ultimate goal of your life (but still I am trying).
I did not learn how to save for future. I mark this thing the single most important reason for not living a disciplined life. Saving habit makes a lot of differences among people. When people save, they know their limits in everything. They know how to value the most important thing in the life. You might disagree with me, but money is one of the most important things we need to have in our lives.
So, all those scattered undisciplined things were making my overall behaviors toward my daughters (our 2nd daughter was born on 7th Feb, 2016).
Let’s not all those bad things be published online. I am ashamed of my those behaviors.
But I was not an overall good father.
Hot headed. Bad temper. Screaming. Sometimes beating (though it was very rare).
I reacted on anything that disturbed my silence. I am an introvert type silent person, working for a dream, so you can say me obsessed.
So, I was not ready to accept an all-time talking, crying for silly things, and also asking so many questionsmember in my life 😊
At that time, my home was my office. So, it was really tough for me to cope up with all those new situations.
But I was feeling guilty for my bad habits, bad behaviors with my loving children. They are my world.
So, I came to a decision to not scream, or to not react in anyway when I am angry on something.
So, how do I manage when I am angry?
Every human being becomes angry almost every day. So, it’s up to you how you will manage your anger.
These are the 2 ways, I manage my anger:
- When I become angry on something (my daughters or my wife), I say myself: Is it life threatening emergency?
Every time I get answer: No, it’s not a life-threatening emergency. And most of the time, it cools me down. I take some time (5-30 minutes) and it releases my anger. And until my anger is not gone, I don’t talk to anyone.
- Number two also works magically.
It actually works good with my wife. When I find that my wife is angry on me, I try to find whether I have used any word or acted anything that could make her angry. If I find that the faults are with me, I just keep silent and let my wife continue showing her anger on me as this will release her reactions (that was created by me actions before) and keep her calm.
If you want me to make a summary of my new life:
“I try not to use any vulgar words and I keep myself calm using the above methods”.
Another summary could be like this:
“Talk less, and talk sense. Pour love into people when you’re talking and you will be lovable.”
If you want to learn more about this topic: you can visit this link. This article helped me a lot to shape my anger. I am grateful to the author of this article.