I’ve been a Mom for almost 3 years now. During those 3 years I have been on and off anxiety meds. The journey has not been the easiest, but I have learned about who I am as a Mom and become so much stronger because of the journey.
When I was 3 months postpartum I finally saw my Doctor to get some help for the major baby blues and extreme exhaustion I was feeling. I was struggling at this Mom gig. I have never struggled with anxiety or depression until I became a Mom of triplets. The lack of sleep was tortuous and my anxious heart was crippling me. I was fearful of everything and my heart was smothered in “what if’s?”
When I saw my Doctor, she told me I was actually high risk for PPD because of my infertility, multiples pregnancy, and traumatic birth. I certainly was not prepared for the struggles that came. And I kind of wish I was more aware about the risk factors and the possibilities of PPD or Anxiety prior to having kids. I had this non existent idea of Motherhood. I thought it was going to make the happiest I have ever been. And don’t get me wrong, it certainly has. It’s the most rewarding journey. However, Motherhood is not easy. I have also struggled more to love myself and find self worth and confidence which has always come so natural to me.
When I stopped breastfeeding I went on Lexapro daily and Xanax for my panic attacks. And I have been on them both and off since my kids were 3 months old.
Being on anxiety meds does not make me a failure. It doesn’t mean I am not good enough or undeserving. It means I am doing what I need to to be the best I can be for my kids, my family.
Our mental health journeys are all personal, heart breaking, and usually very difficult. Yet what I have seen more than anything birthed from my mental health journey is strength. I am strong and I’m fighting anxiety daily. I am learning more about myself and my needs as a Mom. A new found confidence has been placed in my heart. I am brave. And I am not alone. I am doing what I need to do to help me walk through this season of Motherhood. I am owning my journey and believing by sharing my story someone’s heart is touched!
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