Friendship opens the door to the outside world for the child. But it invites him to see himself through the gaze of another person and, therefore, to learn to know himself better. Please note that not all adults can contact other people easily. Obviously, this skill does not appear suddenly, but develops since early childhood. And that “door to the outside world” can only be opened by parents.
Do not dismiss your children. Do not hide behind kindergarten and school. All the same, your children will take an example, mainly from you.
Children's friendship as it is
When children are very young, they are united by similarities of character. So, a noisy and nimble child will most likely have the same friend. Before school age, games between children are marked by conflicts. This applies to toys. Trying to intervene to teach children the rules of good or try not to interfere in their disassembly? The second is given for parents more difficult, but allows the child to get their own experiences.
In kindergarten, children are constantly changing friends. This is normal, as it is “friendship studies.” The role of parents here is not to try to force them to reconcile, but to calm them down and explain that life, sometimes, consists of such searches.
Also at this moment, they live their “Oedipus period”: the feeling of feeling love for a relative of the opposite sex and hostility towards a relative of the same sex, they are alarmed. At this point, friends serve to relieve their aggressiveness, which arises from this alarm.
The role of parents is to respect their attempts at self-reliance. The most successful behavior of parents is not to try to know everything, but not to be indifferent.
Stages of friendship in children
Changes in the understanding of life during the maturation of a child also lead to changes in the understanding of friendship. This moment parents should also consider when analyzing friendships.
Here is how a child’s attitude toward child friendship changes with age:
- 3 years. Altruism is born (of course not at all, but at many) - your child tries to help others, can share his toys (though he will often take it away right away). Conflicts are possible, since the given toy can not be received back. However, the desire to share is encouraged.
- 4 years. The desire to participate in cooperative games in kindergartens begins. However, this is not friendship, because children do not understand the need to maintain friendship, and they don’t know how this happens. For them, the friend is the one with whom they are playing at the moment in time.
- 6-7 years. At this age, friends are already selected by interest. Most often these are those who are not greedy and can share the fact that they have “tasty” or toys. With friends should be fun and interesting. At this age, gender preferences become more apparent. Boys tend to be friends / play more with boys, and girls with “best friends”.
- 10 years. Children show selectivity to friends and the first definition of friendship appears. To “get friends” already requires factors such as common interests, mutual trust, kindness, attentiveness. There is a tougher selection.
- 12 years and older. Modern children grow up early. Relations with peers mean more to them than with their parents. Childhood friendship becomes specific. The relationship of boys with girls can be considered as a prelude to future novels. Children's friendship moves to a new level. More meaningful, more demanding and sensitive to various shocks.
The described changes in the understanding of friendship relate to relationships in which there is no place for evil influence. When analyzing your child’s relationship with peers, make an adjustment to the fact that there are probably “friends” in his environment who can bring a share of misconceptions about relationships.