Most women with children want to be good mothers, but often don’t know how to become such.
Modern society has very high expectations for parents, especially for mothers. They are higher than ever, and this despite the fact that in our time the parental load is greater than ever. In today's families consisting only of spouses and their children, parents are almost deprived of the help and support of other relatives and must cope with everything on their own.
They are responsible for everything. In case of any problems, the child immediately blame the parents. A similar trend is noticeable in the pedagogical and psychological environment. Numerous articles in publications, books for parents and on sites dedicated to raising children are full of instructions for parents about what they should do and frightening prophecies about the terrible consequences of wrong actions. At the same time, the concept of the “right” is different for each source. Here you can also add the inevitable advice of older relatives, doctors, and just bystanders, who also have the opportunity to express their opinions. It is not surprising that mothers are lost and fall into a state of heightened anxiety. And from the constant fear of making an irreparable mistake, they begin to be afraid to do anything at all.
Do not be afraid to make mistakes
The well-known British pediatrician and child psychoanalyst Donald Woods Winnicott, who devoted a lot of time to the child-parent theme, said in the 60s of the last century that minor mistakes that every mother inevitably makes are not terrible. Moreover, they are even needed because they help the child with development: when he encounters what is unpleasant for him, he becomes upset, but at the same time he finds out that the outside world does not always meet his expectations. The main thing is that this should occur against the background of constant maternal support, helping the child cope with difficulties and gradually become aware of the world as they become aware of their separation from the mother.
So what makes not perfect, but good enough mom?
- Just love for her baby. She may not be in a good shape, it is normal for her to get tired and annoyed, but, as a rule, she responds to the needs of the baby. Caring for him most often with pleasure and with tenderness.
- In caring for the child, she relies first and foremost on her own maternal sense and trusts intuition (which is especially important when there are so many “experts” around).
- In a critical situation, she is ready to sacrifice herself for the sake of a child, but in usual time she is able to take care of herself in time.
- Allows herself to be wrong. And having understood her mistake, she acknowledges it, seeks to correct it and teaches the child to deal with his mistakes in the same way.
- Allowing herself not to be perfect, she passes this permission to the child. “You are not perfect, but you are unique” - this is the message that the child receives from a fairly good mother.