Mother’s Day is a beautiful time of year. It’s a time when we come together to honor the ladies in our life that made us into the people we are today. It’s a wonderful time of celebration and thankfulness.
However, for some women, this time can be filled with feelings of failure and grief as we are reminded of the very thing that we lack but so desperately desire….to be a mother.
Today I’d like to speak to you Mommy’s At Heart for a minute. I’d like to encourage those of you today that long to be a mother so bad you feel it in your very core.
Here’s what I’d like to share with you today….
Today has been a slow day around here filled with coffee, thunderstorms, binging on TV shows, and working on the blog. I know many friends who would love a nice quiet day, filled with all their favorite things, enjoyed in their pajamas and no makeup. I know I should be thankful for days like this, but sometimes these days are a blessing, and sometimes these days are filled with grief.
You see, I imagined having a busy home, filled with noise, giggles, & time outs. I imagined a home cluttered with toys and stuffed animals. I pictured a fridge covered in artwork and fingerprints, and crumbs from breakfast all over the floor.
Sometimes the silence of these “lazy” days is downright deafening.
I started my blog to share my journey to mommyhood. I wanted to empower other women on this same journey to embrace hope and find joy. And, yet, there I was lacking motivation and thankfulness.
The rain poured outside, creating huge puddles in the grass where I’d always planned to place a swingset. I peered into our backyard and wondered how long it would be before I would hear laughter and splashing in those same puddles. I longed for kids I’d never meant, only dreamed of, covered in mud in sweet brightly colored rain boots.
Then I saw it.
The sun beams peeked through the clouds, and slowly a rainbow appeared. A smile crept onto my face, and tears filled my eyes.
I’ve always loved rainbows, but now they mean so much more to me.
You see, after my long battle with infertility a couple of years ago, I finally became pregnant. We were overjoyed.
Then, in what seemed like an instant, it was over. The baby I’d prayed for, dreamed of, and loved for just a short while was now in Heaven.
I’d never meet him or her. I’d never hold him in my arms. I’d never see his sweet face.
And, once again, we were back on the infertility band wagon. I felt like the rug had been pulled out from underneath me, and like time had stopped
I am in the season of waiting like so many other moms out there. I am waiting for my Rainbow Baby….the baby born after a miscarriage/loss. They are called Rainbow Babies because they are the beautiful promise at the end of the storm.
If you are in this same season of life, I am here with you. I truly believe that motherhood is born first in the heart. That’s why I call us, Mommy’s At Heart.
Motherhood begins with every plan, dream, prayer, and tear that is shed over our sweet babies. It begins with a deep desire to give yourself to the service of another human being, and the willingness to sacrifice everything to fulfill this dream.
As Mother’s Day quickly approaches, we Mommies In Waiting can often feel overlooked and forgotten. It can be a sorrow-filled time as we are blatantly reminded of the one thing we are missing, and so desperately want.
I just want to encourage you today to not give up hope. I want you to know that you are loved and perfect just the way you are. Those thoughts and feelings of failure and inadequacy are not valid. You have worth. There is a greater plan at work.
I saw a quote recently that really hit home,
“Life Always Gets Harder Near The Summit”
I’m sure mountain climbers understand this. I’ve never climbed a mountain, although it is on my Bucket List. The closest I’ve ever gotten was standing on the summit of Cadillac Mountain in Bar Harbor, Maine. Looking out over the summit and across the harbor and the ocean was completely breathtaking. But, we didn’t strain to get there…we drove our car up the mountain.
But, if you were to climb that same mountain, the expert climbers would warn you of how difficult it can be. The closer they get to the summit of the mountain, it becomes harder to breathe, gets colder & more strenuous. But, the payoff is the beautiful view once they reach the top, and the satisfaction of knowing they pushed through the pain and strain to reach the highest height.
Often times the battle with infertility and loss can feel the same, can’t it? It can feel like an uphill climb. There have been times when I’ve wondered if the journey is worth it. I have felt unsure of my footing, had moments of sheer panic, and thought I couldn’t go on. How about you?
Can I encourage you today, dear friend, to keep on keeping on? Show yourself a little bit of grace, lose the guilt, find some joy in your current season of life, and press on toward the goal?
My hope and prayer for all of us, is that soon enough, we’ll all reach the summit of this mountain and stand together looking out over the horizon of motherhood and know that all the pain, tears, sweat, & frustration was worth it.
For those of you who have already climbed this mountain, and get the pleasure of raising little ones, please know how important and unique your “job” is. Your children were specifically picked for you. You were the mommy chosen for them. So, no matter how difficult motherhood is, you can rest assured that you are doing the best you can and that you are exactly the mom your kids need.
Where are you on your journey to motherhood?
Is it a dream that’s just begun in your heart, or do you have several sweet babies pining for your attention every second of every day? Have you run out of hope in your current season? Are you praying for life to begin, or mourning a life that’s ended too soon?
Wherever you are in this beautiful journey of mommyhood, please know you are enough, you are right where you should be, & there is a bigger plan for you & your family than you could ever imagine.
Happy Mother’s Day to all the Mommies At Heart, Mommies of Angels, Mommies in Waiting, & Mommies right smack dab in the heart of motherhood. You are all special.