A HOW-TO Guide to Relaxing as a Parent in the Age of Covid-19:

1. Tell yourself to relax. (It won't work.)

2. Have others tell you to relax. (This won't work either.)

3. Spend $5+ on drive-thru, store-bought iced coffee to get your mind right and your body motivated. (Spoiler alert -- that won't work either.)

4. Peruse your phone for morning "Go get 'em!" inspiration! (Not gonna do the trick.)

5. Peruse your social media newsfeed to see how other mamas are "making it work." Perhaps you can get ideas? (Nope, now you just feel inadequate.)

6. Try meditating. (Ha! How'd that go for you?)

7. Eat a healthy breakfast. (Note: Wine comes from grapes and grapes is a fruit.)

8. Clean up a little bit 'cause clutter can make people crazy. (But so can kids and you've got both.)

9. Go for a walk; fresh air does a body good. (But complaining doesn't and that's all your young offspring will do the.whole.walk.long.)

10. Have a fudgin' bagel practically dripping in cream cheese, hand your kids an electronic of some sort and rejoice in the fact you've bought yourself at least five minutes to slowly fade into a food coma before this pandemic-plagued, socially-restrictive reality smacks you in your beautifully, aging face.