I wish we knew.
I wish we knew what we know now. I wish someone had warned us. I wish we could go back to that day we started trying to get pregnant.
I wish we knew what parenthood would do to us.
No one said how hard it would be on us. They all said “life will never be the same!” No one said “your relationship will never be the same.”
We thought that having a baby would bring us even closer than we were.
I wish we knew that it wouldn’t.
If we knew all the things we know now, we may not have thrown my birth control away.
Because if we knew all these things, we would know that by throwing away those birth control pills, we would also be throwing away the beautiful relationship we had spent so much time building.
I wish we knew how easy we had it. I wish I was lying when I said I miss the couple we used to be.
I miss going on dates without calling a babysitter. I miss our uninterrupted conversations. I miss having a meal in peace. I miss taking long drives with our dogs in the backseat. I miss spending all day in bed until one of us got hungry. I miss when sex didn’t take meticulous planning & we were never “too tired.”
I wish I knew who you would become.
I wish I knew what becoming a father would do to you.
You used to be a ball of energy. Now, you’re so tired. Between work & broken sleep, you’re exhausted mentally & physically. You used to be so carefree. Now, you’re stressed. You have so much more responsibility now. You used to be so goofy & spontaneous. Now, you’re serious. With bills, work, & family, you were forced to grow up.
You used to only love me. Now you love both of us. I didn’t know sharing your love would make me so lonely.
I wish I knew who I would become.
I wish I knew what becoming a mother would do to me.
I used to be driven. Now, I’m unmotivated. I need to go back to school, I need a new job, I need to take care of myself, but I just can’t. I used to be exciting. Now, I’m a bore. I don’t have interest in trying new things or spontaneity. I’ve become complacent. I used to be positive. Now, I’m angry. Life has gotten a lot harder & I get easily overwhelmed. I’m irritable & emotional & frustrated with who I’ve become.
I used to only love you. Now I love you both. I didn’t know sharing my love would feel so unbalanced.
Becoming parents is the hardest thing we’ve put our relationship through. We’ve changed so much, & change isn’t easy. Change is scary. It’s confusing. It’s hard.
Yet, at the same time, change is beautiful.
It’s refreshing. It’s new. It’s exciting. It’s necessary.
When people change, it’s scary. It’s confusing. It’s hard.
But sometimes when people change, it’s usually because they’re becoming a better version of themselves.
So yes, becoming parents changed our relationship:
Now, going on dates is exciting & special. Now, our conversations include hilarious commentary from the Toddler. Now, meals are spent making airplane noises & clapping & laughter. Now, our long drives are spent playing games, singing songs, & dancing. Now, we spend all day making memories as a family. Now, we are a team. We are a unit. Now, we have a bond that will never be broken.
So yes, fatherhood changed you:
Now, you can conjure up energy out of nothing. You never pass up an opportunity to play on the floor with our son. Now, you are responsible. Your priorities are perfectly in order & our family is always at the top of the list. Now, you’re focused. You are completely dedicated to our family.
And yes, motherhood changed me:
But now, I am inspired. I want to be better not only for myself, but for my child. Now, I am important. In the eyes of my child, I am the queen of the world. I am needed & loved so much. Now, I am strong. Becoming a mom made me a warrior. I am fierce. I am bold. I am proud of myself.
So, if we knew. If we knew all the things we know now, If someone told us all this, If we could go back to that day we threw my birth control away,
I know we’d do it all over again.
We thought that having a baby would bring us even closer than we were. Well, it takes a lot of work & dedication, but it turns out we were right.
To the couples who are having a hard time adjusting to your new roles in parenthood individually & as a couple, don’t forget to embrace change.
It’s okay to miss who they were before, just make sure to take time to celebrate who they’ve become.
You’re a team. You’re a unit. Keep loving. Keep trying.
Enjoy today. Enjoy each other.