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Challenge: Romance After Kids

Your Wife Has 5 Basic Needs: Are You Meeting Them?

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One of the first commandments of marriage is selflessness. If you base your relationship on the needs of your spouse, you will surely find happiness. And if you truly love your wife, then you want to make her happy.

Marriage therapist Willard F. Harley Jr. believes that women have 5 basic needs. Obviously every woman is different, but years of research showed that these are what they preferred on average.

Your wife has 5 basic needs: Are you meeting them?


This one might just rank as high as “Sexual Fulfillment” ranks on the husband’s list. Women need affection in a myriad of ways. You may cringe at the term “public displays of affection” or PDA, but the truth is your wife just needs you to hold her hand. We don’t want to make out in front of strangers any more than you do, but an arm around your wife’s shoulders or a gentle and loving touch shows that she’s your #1. Let her know you’re proud to be her husband.


Women like to talk. Shocker, I know. It’s actually a basic and binding way for them to express themselves. And if you have children, your wife may just need some adult conversation. Men, when you tune out, it makes women feel like you don’t care. And women, when we ramble, men tend to tune out. Strong relationships are built on deep and meaningful conversation; real communication. So if you’re wife says she wants to talk, turn off the TV, put down your phone, and open your ears.


To have a completely honest and open marriage, there needs to be rules. Generally, most women feel some type of insecurity in their marriage. These days virtually everything is guarded by a password. Your spouse should know your passwords. Whether it’s for a personal bank account, social media accounts, or simply the code to open your phone, you shouldn’t have anything to hide. If you find yourself in a situation where you’re alone with the opposite sex, send your wife a quick text just to let her know. Many may argue that these methods violate your individual privacy, but guess what? Marriage isn’t about you.


Is money evil? No. It’s necessary. The love of money? That’s another issue. The need for financial support doesn’t mean your wife is a materialistic or greedy gal. In fact, the most successful and financially stable people are those who are known as thrifty, frugal, and cheap. They know how to pinch their pennies, and their wives are happier for it.


In my single days, if you would have asked me what I wanted in a guy, I probably would have said a sense of humor, a sexy smile, and a loving heart. Those are some of my favorite attributes my husband possesses, but when I saw how important family was to him, I fell hard. In our years together, my hubby has turned down career and financial opportunities to spend more time with family. He is mindful of us in his every thought and every decision. He puts family first. And there’s nothing sexier than that.

Whether your marriage is on the rocks or strong as nails, it will absolutely benefit from examining these needs and applying them to your marriage. Always strive to give your spouse the very best of yourself.

This article first appeared on Becky Squire.

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