"He's not hiding out in there; he's working."
It's something I find I need to tell myself when repeatedly,
week after week,
he's working 10+ hours out of our home office,
Monday through Friday,
while I help his
unruly,
easily-distracted children
stay focused and on task with their e-learning.
Some days, I need help.
Other days, I need a hug (or many).
And I'd be lying if I said I never think of what a luxury it must be to
drink your coffee while it's hot,
converse with other intelligent adults,
not have to wipe a single butt but your own,
and for nobody to barge in on you when you do happen to be wiping your own.
How nice it must feel to contribute your voice to a conversation in a way that will have
a noticeable impact,
how great it is to get paid for your input and your output,
and how unstressful it's got to feel to hear sh*t hitting the fan outside of your office
doors, but to know that you're not 'on the clock' and that your spouse, that other very
capable and competent adult, is and they'll take care of it.
"He's not hiding out in there; he's working."
I have to remind myself on these pandemic-plagued groundhog days that leave me
feeling
worn-out,
defeated,
mentally and physically spent,
and oddly both super productive, but way underproductive at the same time.
I have to imagine my home is not the only one in which a stay-at-home-mom is jealous
of her working husband.
But then,
for the last twenty minutes before bed,
he takes the kids outside to play,
and in those quiet few minutes I have to myself,
I'm reminded of the many times he's shared with me how he only wishes
he could have the time with them that I do.
Sharing
moments,
smiles,
laughs,
tears,
adventures,
making memories,
getting to travel the e-learning journey with them, watching their brains expand on the
daily,
and seeing them
age,
grow,
change,
and come into their own
minute by minute.
It's a shame that I ever take that blessing and my three little ones for granted,
and honestly,
here I now sit,
embarassed,
ashamed,
and hellbent on working to ensure I don't anymore.
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