When toddlers conspire against you, they go hard.
When toddlers conspire against you, they will do it when they feel you’re at your weakest. They will do it when the baby is in the Bjorn, and your movements are limited. They will do it when they sense you are tired and had enough—they can smell it. They take a whiff and just know.
When toddlers conspire against you, they will have a full-on tantrum. They know that you can’t pick them up, so they make that tantrum extra special, like the grand finale of a fireworks performance---just as booming loud, vibrant, and colorful. Oh, and with that extra spark to get everyone in the vicinity’s attention too.
When toddlers conspire against you, they throw themselves on the ground, legs kicking, and wailing in the middle of a class, supermarket, street—they have no boundaries.
When toddlers conspire against you, they have no shame. The audience gives them the thrill they thrive on and get energy and additional sass from.
When toddlers conspire against you, they will make sure at the end of the day you are feeling every bit of it. They love it when your hair is a mess, and you are at your wit's end. They will even ask "mommy are you mad?” knowing very well that you are. And your voice will be shaky as you answer "of course not, honey." But oh, mama, you are pissed! You know it, they know it, and that stain on the counter you keep scrubbing knows it.
When toddlers conspire against you, they win. They take no prisoners. They wait until you are in the corner about to give up and they come in for the kill.
Because when toddlers conspire against you, they will do that thing you love at the end of the day. They will give you a big hug and kiss while softly whispering, "I love you, mommy." They will press their heads against yours, only hurting you a little, and rub their little noses against yours.
Because when toddlers conspire against you, they will make it so at the end of the day your entire heart is taken hostage.
And that's how toddlers win.
Because you look at pictures of them that night only remembering the sweet moments---and come back always wanting more, day in, day out.