What I am feeling right now during this pandemic is less about panic and more about protection.

What I am feeling is overwhelming.

Overwhelming grief.

Overwhelming guilt.

Overwhelming fear.

Overwhelming frustration.

I feel like all of this is too much, too heavy.

I feel like I am not enough.

Too many assignments, too much pressure.

Not enough hours, not enough of me to go around.

I feel the weight of uncertainty for myself, for my coworkers, for my kids.

I feel the gravity of grief for those who are directly impacted with lost loved ones, lost jobs, and lost hope.

Our world has come to a stand-still.

Our government is struggling to standing firm.

Our kids are left to wander aimlessly while our own careers are put on ice along with our finances.

Frontline workers are fearful and I am, too.

Though I pray, I worry I've forgotten someone--nurses, doctors, garbage men. EMTs and grocery workers, truck drivers and hospital cooks, bank tellers and daycare workers, restaurant chefs and social workers, and I know I've left so many out.

Friends, we cannot possibly put a name on what we are feeling because we are feeling too much and not enough all at once.

We have not been trained for this.

Some of us are weary and numb while others are overwhelmed and overtaken.

So we need to all remember to pump the brakes on judgment and inspect from where it is coming.

Stop the side eyes because those are rooted in something.

Fear. Helplessness. Hopelessness. Worry. Anxiety. Struggle. Loss. Sadness. Grief. Loneliness. Disconnect.

Friends, all we can do is the best that we can. If your best today is survival mode, then press that autopilot button, sister, and keep it moving.

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