I'm in a state of mourning.
Not the kind where you wear black for two months, unless of course you're talking about the five pairs of yoga pants I've worn on rotation for the past seven weeks. They suck me in in all the right places, OK? Honestly, at this point I question whether I could even zip up a pair of jeans.
And not the kind of mourning where people come together to share stories over casserole dishes and reminisce. I mean, yes I just made cookies, solely to eat the dough but let’s be honest, sharing is not caring right now.
It’s more like mourning the loss of, well ... everything.
Life as we know it has been flipped on it's end and in so many ways, we're all grieving.
Grieving the loss of what was and the acceptance of what is.
The loss of connection Of last minute coffee dates with friends Of family get togethers Of vacations Of events Of sports Of school Of plans Of control
And at the root of it all - TOGETHERNESS.
Of course at first I thought I had it under control. A month of staying home? Please. I’ve got this. I mean I may lose my sanity, but I’ll use this time to get things checked off my list and start living the healthy lifestyle I promise myself year after year. Except, I didn’t.
The line items? They’re still there. I haven’t capitalized on this time. I haven’t spun up a new at home business or started writing my own book. I’ve lost zero pounds and have accomplished nothing. NADA.
I am in full on survival mode, treading water as best I can. And in all honesty, I’m freaking tired.
I miss my family. I miss my friends. I miss Target and buying things I don’t need from their dollar section. I miss going to sporting events and school activities. I miss my co-workers and my babies teachers.
I miss connection. TOGETHERNESS.
So today I’m giving myself a break. I’m giving myself space to grieve; to cry if I need to or eat a pint of ice cream. Am I emotional? Absolutely. Slightly unstable? Maybe. But there is nothing wrong with me and there’s nothing wrong with you either, sis. I know you’re tired and sick of it all. There’s no line item on “pandemic” that says you need to have your crap together 24/7.
You can be grateful and still grieve.
What you’re feeling? It’s normal. You aren’t alone. We’re in this together and we’ll come out of this thing on the other side - TOGETHER.
And when we do, I’ll meet you at Target with yoga pants of course.