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Challenge: Romance After Kids

We Don't Dance in the Dark. Is Our Marriage Doomed?

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You know those couples who after the kids go to bed, meet in the kitchen, drink red wine and dance in the dark to slow jams.


Nope — not even close.

We don’t dance in the dark. We don’t even dance in the light. And, we sure as heck don’t dance on our bed.

We don’t dance at all, really. Well, unless we are at a wedding and have drank our faces off; in those instances we dance and we own the floor.

But typically, we are the couple who upon putting the kids down, enjoy some quiet time in our over-sized pajamas while we stuff our faces, peruse our social media, and occasionally glance up at whatever Netflix show we’ve randomly chosen.


And you know what? I am okay with that.

Actually, I am more than okay with that. I think that makes us great and I definitely think that this way of being when together will help us maintain for the long haul.

I get it — you are probably confused, right?

Aren’t the couples that last the same ones who romance each other in the kitchen? The ones that dance in the dark have to be more likely to avoid divorce and separation, right? And those of us who crawl into our tortoise shell after 8pm and sit in silence with one another, well, we must be doomed, don’t ya think?

If you think this you would be wrong. Well, in some cases at least.

You see, in my opinion, the fact is that marriages are hard and parenting is hard on marriages. This equates to it being really tough to keep a happy relationship and to have both partners happy inside of it. While I do believe that there of course has to be some romance brewing between you and your spouse, I also know that romance ebbs and flow and I sure as heck do not believe that a lack of night-time kitchen dancing dooms my marriage for all eternity. In fact, I would contend that having a partner who you can sit in silence with and ignore while stuffing your face and still have them be enamored with you, makes both you and your relationship pretty darn impressive.

Of course I am an advocate for keeping your relationship spicy. That’s why I have previously shared 10 unique in-home date ideas and provided you with 20 questions to ask your spouse. Still, you will probably not be doing those things daily — you will either be doing exactly what I described above or you will be dancing in the dark.

Either is awesome and either is relationship maintenance.

My husband and I just simply fall into the bucket of camping out on the couch and I don’t believe that dooms our marriage.

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