Today, I'm tired.
And not just the normal, "I've had a busy day with too much to do tired", but rather the "I don't want to get out of bed and go through the motions" tired.
It's the kind of tired that can't be fixed with a cup of coffee or a cat nap.
It's the kind of tired that doesn't care that I have two little people to raise, a house to clean, and errands to run.
It's the kind of tired that keeps me up until 2am, even though I'm utterly exhausted, because my brain simply cannot shut down.
It's the kind of tired brought on by my overwhelming anxiety. The weight of my struggles too heavy to break away from for even a moment.
I carry the stress of everyone; my husband, my children, my family. My stomach knots up and my head begins to ache, and I spend days running through every glass half empty scenario imaginable. The uncertainty festers inside of me like a disease, eating away at any tinge of logic that could help bring me to the other side. It builds and builds until I break, sobbing alone in the bathtub once everyone is asleep for the night.
I sweat it all...the small stuff, the medium stuff, the big stuff. The stuff people cannot see. The stuff others would say makes me borderline neurotic. The stuff that probably doesn't really matter anyway; I carry the burden of it all. My burdens that seem so small when compared to the bigger picture.
And yet, I can't stop.
It's hard to talk about. It's hard to explain. It's hard to put into words how it feels to constantly worry. And even though everything always ends up being okay, and even though I sometimes know everything will work out in my favor, I still replay the possibilities that it won't.
I have anxiety.
But I know I'm not alone.
I'll be okay, and so will you ❤