June was on hospice for exactly two weeks before she died. I’m an avid journaler, especially during difficult times, and I wrote in my journal almost every day, sometimes twice a day during those last weeks with her. Below is something I wrote about our time with June. I am so thankful for it, because I would have forgotten these special moments.
*Journal Entry from 1/26/16*
Today was very special for me. I held June almost the entire day. The best part was holding her while in bed while listening to "Oceans," a song a friend shared with me. June has never rested so peacefully on me as she did today.
I told June that even though I’ve been crying that it is OK for her to let go and go to heaven. That I am crying because I will miss her, but I will be so happy that she's in heaven, free of pain. I told her that I can handle the pain of missing her and that she shouldn’t have to bear it any longer.
I still hope and pray for more time. I don’t want to let her go. At the same time I know it’s going to hurt, and I want to just get it over with … but there is no turning back after that. Nothing feels more final than death. But, I suppose, I can look at it as the beginning of paradise.
I keep reminding myself that this life is painful for June, and in order for her to be free of pain she has to rest. I wish more than anything that I could make her better, or even just feel better, but I can’t. My gosh this is going to hurt so terribly bad.