To the woman dreaming of seeing two lines on her pregnancy test.
I cannot imagine how you feel when someone announces their pregnancy while you’ve been trying so hard.
But I know it must feel discouraging.
I know your heart is fragile and weak and feels as though it will shatter at any given moment.
I know this is all you’ve ever wanted and all you’ve ever prayed for- to have a family of your own.
The longing you feel to hold your baby in your arms.
The disappointment you feel every time your period comes and goes.
The fantasy you live in if it’s a couple days late.
Your journey isn’t like most others, yours is filled with uncertainty and desperate hope.
You feel cheated of the normal easy process this should be.
I know you’re left feeling crushed and empty.
I know you feel that you’re lacking- you feel incompetent because you can’t do what your body is meant “meant” to do.
Bur I promise you, I hold your pain close to my heart and I will carry it with you until you find happiness.
I know you can’t believe this is happening to you, after all, who for-sees themselves going through pain and heartache?
I know all this but I also know that you are strong- even if only because you have to be.
You are still strong.
It’s ok to not always be positive.
It’s ok to grieve something you never had, but something you’ve always dreamed of.
It’s ok to dwell in the loss.
Yes you should always look for the silver linings, but you‘re also allowed to feel.
Allow yourself to have hope, because my friend, hope is a remarkable thing.
Having hope is not foolish; it’s what keeps us going.
Having hope allows us to dream.
Having hope doesn’t mean you’re stress free or tear free or sadness free, it means there is still that candle light of optimism, that the baby you’ve been praying for your whole life, will one day rest in your arms.
Hope means that once your anger, grief and misery start to wear off after yet another negative pregnancy test, that candle light will slowly makes its way back into your life.
There is a unique pain when you’ve prepared your heart to love a child that never came, a pain only you will understand.
But I’m here with you in this pain and longing. I’m here to cry when you need to cry and I’m here to forget when you need to forget.
I’m here knowing that my words may not give you any comfort and instead invite hot tears to stream down your cheeks, but I’m here nonetheless.
I’m here for you, recognising your pain.
Trying for a baby is a roller coaster of emotions and every single one of your feelings is valid, don’t ever let anyone tell you otherwise.
You’re not alone, from one mother to another.