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Challenge: Open Discussion

The Years We Stop Talking

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It's the reason marriages fall apart. And it has everything to do with children.

If you are early in your parenting journey, you are likely in this season. Or you know someone who is.

You and your partner stop talking. No, not entirely, but you cease to communicate about things beyond your children. The appointments, routines, and increasingly verbal little people interrupt any semblance of meaningful conversation.

My husband and I, we’re there. And it’s ridiculously hard.

A current event peaks our interest. But mental space doesn’t allow us to remember it for four days when life finally offers time to chat.

Big decisions loom and we find ourselves disappearing into screens and other forms of escape because, well, we just don’t want to be vulnerable when we’re tired.

Or, most recently, we finally do get the opportunity to connect away from the kids, but our work lives take center stage. Across a crowded room of networking, we try to remember the last time we even had a date night that was just the two of us.

At some point, a relationship devoid of intimate conversation falls short.

But my argument is this: It is a season, and it will not last – unless you let it.

Eventually your children will learn communication norms.

Eventually your kids’ schedules will stabilize.

Eventually you will find a way to preserve your bond.

Just a few days ago, I acknowledged that we’re there – that I need to try a little harder.

I carefully slipped a yellow Post-it into my husband’s laptop just before preschool drop-off.

“I love you forever.”

But I wasn’t satisfied.


And even when the note inevitably gets lost in the pile of our insane lives, I think he’ll remember that I wrote it.

For what we’re building together in these years is greater than any career path, any extracurricular, any hobby. We’re building little people.

And, somehow, I hope we’re demonstrating that this incredible mission can be accomplished…even without words.

*Post originally published on Lauren's blog Unlearning:

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