Parents, you’ve got questions, we’ve got answers.

Or just as likely, we’ve got questions and you’ve got answers.

Challenge: Romance After Kids

The Power of Touch

Vote up!
Share on Facebook Share on Twitter Email this article


I didn't grow up in a touchy family. There really was no physical affection to speak of, it just wasn't part of our lives. That always bothered me, and I couldn't wait to have my own family I could be affectionate with.

When I started dating my husband, I was almost TOO affectionate. I couldn't get enough, hugs, kisses, cuddles. It was amazing to me that I could do all that touching and he wouldn't push me away, but even give it back! Fast forward to getting married and having two kids, and all that touching has died WAY down.

I'm very affectionate with my baby, probably because the mother in me just can't resist kissing baby cheeks and hugging her all day. My toddler is extremely affectionate and is always wanting to cuddle and be hugged and kissed multiple times a day as well.

But my husband? He's commented so many times on how un-affectionate I've become. I haven't meant to, I guess it's just so easy to get back into old habits when you're so comfortable with someone. And of course I still love him, I just don't think about touching like I did when it was so new. But that's how he feels loved, and it's amazing how one simple touch, one hug or kiss can brighten his whole day. For me, it's something I have to make a goal of.

I know that sounds ridiculous, who makes a goal to be affectionate with their spouse? But when there's so much going on, and you give all your energy and love to your kids day after day, it can be hard to have anything left. Growing up a certain way can have more of an effect on you then you know as well, even if it wasn't something you liked.

Sometimes I think he's fine and doesn't need it like the kids do since that's how it was for me, but I've realized he probably needs it more! He's not my roommate, he's my husband. He needs touch, he needs to feel loved. And if I can make an effort to hug my kids, I can definitely make an effort to hug my husband. After all, my relationship with him is the most important one I have.

This post comes from the TODAY Parenting Team community, where all members are welcome to post and discuss parenting solutions. Learn more and join us! Because we're all in this together.