I was anxious today for no reason.
One minute I was all live, laugh, and love, and the next?
Well, the next was more along the lines of dread, cry, and curl up into my shell.
I mean, there's tonnes to be anxious about these days, so it shouldn't be surprising.
But nothing triggered me, you know?
There I was, minding my own business, clackity clacking on the keyboard at work when it suddenly it hit me like a strong wave hitting the beach.
Like my face got smacked with a dodgeball while I was sitting in a time out.
The usual physical attributes ensued, of course.
The tightness around the neck.
The feeling of a dozen hippos sitting on my chest.
The headache from ALL of the words swirling in my head like a cyclone.
You know, the usual.
But you'd never know if you saw me strolling along.
You'd never ask me if everything was okay.
Because I hide it like a superstar.
Because while I can't control when it comes, I can control how I deal with it, mostly.
Because I'm so used to the random pop-ins from dear ole anxiety that it's become second nature to just deal.
And I do just that.
I just deal.
I deal by recognizing it.
Offering it some tea.
I go with the motions and do what needs to be done.
Pop-up anxiety is awful, but after 30 or so years living with madness in my head, I've become somewhat of an expert with my mental health.
I do my best to carry on because there's no other way for me to deal.
I won't be a prisoner of my own mind.
I won't allow this to consume me to no end.
I won't give in to the power anxiety has.
And I certainly won't back down, stand down, or give in.
I'm in this fight for life, and while I do sometimes struggle to hang on, I always win the fight.