1. I can't find a pencil.
Jesus, take the wheel. I would like to personally reach out to teachers everywhere who feel they may implode due to this claim. Out of sincere pity, I spent $30 on pencils last week for my children's classrooms.
2. What's that smell?
Ummm, dinner. Real food being cooked has a scent evidently that no one is used to around here.
3. Where did you put my shoes?
Actually, the "where did you put" prefacing anything makes me venomous. I can't help but add that I have far more to do than hide people's shoes.
This is the most common response I receive when giving my rare orders. Take a shower. Do your homework. Come and eat.
5. I didn't even do anything.
People scream and wail typically when you do nothing.
6. Someone's at the door.
This one makes me mad as I am usually fresh out of the shower or truthfully, hiding upstairs peering out the window. That is the whole reason we have an upstairs.
7. I have no idea.
Remotes, those shoes, keys, backpack, Amos' blankie, every person in this house is as clueless as a wide eyed doe, except me.
8. Where's the scissors?
Poor grammar tacked on to this question really irks me.
9. I took a shower last night.
Liar. Blasphemy, I tell you.
10. I haven't had dinner.
My quick retort is swallowed when I realize I'm wrong and then, like any wise mother, I turn the tables on the victim. "Why didn't you eat something?" I say quite convincingly.