Tell me something good.
Answer this riddle:
They are easy to give, but challenging to receive?
What am I?
I love looking for the good in everyone.
Most people love to be noticed, but only some know how to accept a compliment and may be inclined to deflect the attention. Gratitude is the only way to acknowledge someone’s kind remarks.
Humbly say, “Thank you.” It’s simple and powerful.
Lead with positive energy. It comes right back to you like a boomerang.
At midlife, we may have a new found confidence in ourself, because we’ve had four, five, six or more decades to really get to know all the good, and the not so good, right?
When women give compliments, it’s so easy to deflect them. Maybe we do that because we don’t want to come across as arrogant, but I think there’s something deeper there.
What if someone says to you, “you look amazing today. I love that sweater, it’s so flattering!”
You might reply with, “Oh, this old thing. I think it makes me look heavy.”
Research indicates that one of the reasons we deflect compliments is something called cognitive dissonance. When someone expresses something positive to you, it conflicts with a negative view you have of yourself.
Another thing we try to do is ‘one-up’ a compliment. Sometimes we feel inclined to say, “Thank you, but everyone knows you’re much more stylish than me.”
We need to stop that!
The best thing we can do when we receive a compliment is simply say, Thank you.
No more. No less.
And then you know what…take it a step further. Get yourself a good old
‘TELL ME SOMETHING GOOD JAR’.
Write down the compliment on a piece of paper in your purse, or grab one of those ten foot long CVS receipts, or type it in your notes in your phone. Send it in text form to yourself. You got this! Whatever works.
And when you get home. Get out a good old piece of paper and write it down, cut it out, and find some jar that’s laying around the house. (Nothing ‘fancy schmancy’) Put the compliment in your very own TELL ME SOMETHING GOOD jar. (before you know it, it will be overflowing)
When you have those days….those days when you feel a little off… a little grumpy….okay…let’s call a spade a spade…one of those days when you go to your physical and you’ve either shrunk 1/4 inch or gained 5 pounds……
Or you’ve come off watching the Super Bowl halftime show and just watched J. Lo and Shakira, at 50 and 43 rock their butts off…….and you think to yourself….”I’m 50.”
Don’t go down that path…just walk to you “TELL ME SOMETHING GOOD Jar” and pull something out. It will put a smile on your face…..and make you feel good.
Compliments seem to be much easier to give than to receive for women….so let’s practice a bit. Here are a few compliments that we can share with our midlife friends that are rock stars…..
1.”You’re so fun to be around.”
Just because you’re at midlife doesn’t mean you’re not fun. You still attempt to take selfies, and at times, dance like “Elaine” in Seinfeld when everyone is watching and it doesn’t matter. Or maybe it’s the friend that always makes you laugh. There’s one in every group, so let them know they are valued.
2. “I’m grateful that you’re always there for me.”
Telling someone you appreciate them in your life speaks volumes.
3. “You’re friendship means the world to me.”
Friends at midlife don’t happen by accident. It takes work, energy, compassion and so much more to maintain a friendship. It’s important for special friends to know how much you value them, and that they’re hard to find.
4. “You’re a great mom.”
Being a mom is one of life’s greatest rewards. It also comes with great challenges. Sometimes at this age, it feels monotonous, and the energy we’ve put in goes without notice. One way to boost a mom’s self confidence is to simply tell them, they’re amazing.
5. “You take such good care of yourself.”
Self care is something that can go right by the wayside at this time of life. Letting someone know that they look strong and healthy is a gift.
6. “You are incredibly brave.”
Stepping outside of our comfort zones at this age, is not easy. By letting them know they’re brave proves to them that they’re not too old, and it’s never too late.
7. “You exude confidence.”
At this age, there is nothing sexier than confidence. You’ve put in the work, rock it. You’ve earned it.
8. “You’re a great listener.”
They listen without judgement.
9. “You always know what to say.”
You never know when you say just the right thing, at the right time that leaves an imprint on the heart of another person. This compliment lets them know they are a comfort to others.
10. “You have such a comfortable home.”
span class="Apple-converted-space"> immediately feel welcome. This compliments reassures the person that you feel safe and comfortable when you are with them.
Here’s the challenge. Let someone know you admire them. Let them know that you enjoy learning from them. Let them know that they’ve made an impact on your life in one way or another.
Be sincere when giving a compliment….
Fill your heart with gratitude and simply say, “Thank you” when you receive a compliment. Write it down and put it in your “Tell me something good jar” so you have one on hand when you might just need it.
What’s the last compliment you gave someone today?
Written by: Amy Schmidt, Founder of Fearlessly Facing Fifty