On a rare occasion I was grocery shopping sans kids, I opted for the longest line while checking out so I could spend a few minutes catching up on all the celebrity gossip in the rag magazines. Don’t you dare judge me. It’s my guilty pleasure.
Through the dozens of celebrity divorce rumors and Kardashian family splashed pages was an article that literally made me laugh out loud :“How will Duchess Kate handle two under two?”
While I absolutely adore Duchess Kate and her little royal family, surviving the trials and tribulations of two under two is really no skin off her back and probably won’t even ruffle that perfectly coifed mane.
For the rest of us common folk, a palace full of nannies, chefs, maids, and assistants will not be at our beck and call during this daunting time. But just for giggles, let’s pretend the Duchess is one of our gal pals and share what really happens when you have two kids in two years, shall we?
1. Tears, lots of them. Some from your newborn and some from your toddler, but a whole lot will be from you. With a mixture of pregnancy hormones, exhaustion, and a dash of the terrible twos, it can be a real shit storm.
2. Just like Elsa, you need to Let it Go because, honey, there is no perfect mom and there will be chaos for quite some time. Laugh at it and be like the rest of us and start a Mommy Blog.
3. He or she that cries the loudest will get Mommy first. It’s very Darwin but then again, we are in survival mode.
4. Expect a HUGE decline in personal hygiene. Embrace it. After a particularly long spell of not showering I thought “Why the hell would I go DAYS without showering with just ONE kid?” Flip side, our water bill went down significantly.
5. Exhaustion is inevitable. A newborn that is up most of the night and a toddler ready to play at 7 AM on constant repeat. Coffee and Diet Coke during the day, wine at night—the Mom’s holy trinity.
6. Get yourself some help! I was that mother that would never think of leaving her first born with a babysitter, but three months into two under two, and I basically tackled a babysitter on the playground and dragged her back to my house to watch my kids just so I could shower or maybe visit heaven alone--Target.
7. Did you get both kids dressed, fed, out the door and to a doctor’s appointment all before 11 AM? Well then, high five yourself, Mamma! Even if it took three hours and six outfit changes, you celebrate these wins no matter how small!
But don’t be too scared because now that I’m on the other side of those early years, I sort of feel like Gloria Estefan singing “Coming out of the dark…. I can finally see the light and it’s shining on me…
At 3 and 5, my kids are getting, dare I say, a little easier. Both kids are very independent and I don’t feel like I’m doing 100% for them day in and day out. Plus I feel like an expert in some aspects of parenting because once I wrap up one phase with the first kid, it’s quickly time for the other to start into that phase.
But more importantly, they really, really love each other. I love listening to their sweet conversations of nonsense and watching them snuggle on the couch while they watch Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs for the 400th time. When my son is at school, my girl misses her big bro, and when they are reunited, they hug like it’s been ages since they were together.
So even though those early days were touch and go for me, I’m glad my kids are so close in age. Would I do it all again? ………………………………………Oh, sorry I think I just blacked out for a second reliving those first few years. No, no, absolutely not.