Sometimes it's good to lose your ever-loving mind in front of your children; at least that's what I'm telling myself today.
Because I did -- this evening.
And, of course, by that, I only mean that I broke down a bit.
You know, some tears fell, and I might have yelled (shhh...don't tell anybody).
To be fair, life has been a little crazy lately.
We've been displaced from our house cause of a leak, mold and a kitchen remodel while visiting the empty home daily to unlock and lock it up for the workmen.
And, that, in addition to our regular busy schedule of summer school, VPK, dance, swim practice, playdates, trying to evade the summer learning slide, planning and packing for an upcoming vacay (exciting, yes, but still some work), a 3.5-year-old who in the last six months has become extremely defiant, sassy and emotional at home, and two older children who
it's a lot.
AND, someone always gets hurt
So there are tears (so many) and whining (nonstop) and it's got me in tears and whining to you.
BUT, before I unloaded on my computer keyboard, I involuntarily let the flood gates open in front of the kids.
No one was listening.
No one was behaving.
Everyone was screaming, fighting, crying, whining, running, and nothing I said was changing the fact that today, was going to be a challenging day.
So, finally, I lost it. I barked at all three of them, and then I let a decent amount of salty water leave my eyes and drip down my face and cheeks; all in front of my kids because
1) I couldn't keep it all in anymore.
2) I needed them to understand that their choices were affecting others, specifically me.
And, so I cried, and then immediately partially regretted showing weakness and walked off to the bathroom to gather myself, a tissue and some composure.
Guess who followed me?
Each of my three love nuggets.
I asked them each for another moment.
Guess what they didn't give me?
And, thank God for that.
Thank God for empathetic children.
And, for children who are present, lively, and caring.
Children who are slightly overbearing with their affection.
Children who won't let you off the hook.
Children to whom you are everything.
Children who will hug you without permission.
On the day to day, motherhood can get brutally hard because it's just so very freakin' demanding and sometimes, well, kids will be kids and age-appropriately, they won't act right.
But, thank the good heavens for children who understand that us, mamas, we won't always act right either.
We won't always be patient and kind, and we won't always be loving and sweet.
Sometimes, even, we will be tired as hell and defeated as fudge by the weight of all life's stressors.
And, because being a good mama is full of so many drastic ups and downs and highs and lows, we can and will lose our ever-loving mind in front of our children.
And, this, well, it's your reminder that if it ever happens to you...
If you need to melt down a bit and let vulnerability drip off of you, do so without shame.
If you need to cry, remind your kids that tears are a perfectly appropriate form of coping and an emotional release that is entirely healthy in moderation.
If you need to vent, then go ahead and talk all of your problems away until they are no pulling you down.
Yes, of course, we must each take into account the age and intellectual development of our children, but I will tell you this, which I believe:
No child is ever worse because their parent appropriately exemplifies for them what it means to be human and someone who is trying their damndest to do everything right for the ones that they love, making mistakes along the way, but never ever giving up.