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Challenge: Open Discussion

Real talk about being the parent of big kids

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My three kiddos are in their 20s. We’ve had quite a few convos over the past couple years about how things went down in their childhood. Now that they’re adults, they are assessing their feelings/emotions and rehashing their experiences as they find their way as independent grown-ups. Just like we did the further away we flew from our childhood nest.

Let me tell you, many of the conversations have been quite painful, and kinda feel like swallowing a box of nails. Recalling our mishaps as moms isn’t a feel-good exercise, especially since we tend to tuck our guilt way down into the abyss of our being for what seems like sinister safekeeping.

But finding our way as moms is a continual work in progress, which is why we need to remember the advice of Maya Angelou, “Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better.”

We only know what we know at any given point along the mothering journey. For me, I was 23 yrs young when I had my first son. Um, 23? Who knows who they are at 23? Let alone how to parent, be a wife, or function as an adult while still working through the growing pains of independence? Not me.

I did my best as a child-mom to raise my three kids. Would I do things differently now that I have 28 yrs of experience and finally know who I am as a 51 yo? Hell yes. Maturity, healing, and spiritual awakening make for a fresh perspective on the meaning of life and existence.

But I didn’t know that stuff back in the day. I was still evolving and finding my way, still working through the pain of a traumatic childhood, still stuck in the constructs passed down by my parents, and still stuck in the limiting beliefs and stories I was believing.

I worked with what I knew at the time and did my best. So do you. You do what you know and hope it’s enough. And when you know better, you do better. That’s the spiritual journey. That’s how we become the best version of ourselves for our families and for others.

So, pass the pardons when you look in the mirror, mommas. Gulp down grace like it’s your job. Keep striving, keep learning, and keep believing in your worth along the way, Be proud of all that love you’re pouring on your kiddos, and be sure to save some for yourselves—love covers a multitude of mess.


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