“Dear MMH, Please fix me now.” This is my reality with maternal mental health. I almost didn’t post this for the world to see but I feel its message is worth it. See when you suffer from MMH, or any mental illness, you want to fix it... immediately. You want a magic pill, a magic word, a magic anything to ease the pain, the anxiety, the depression and the worry. You will do anything for just one day of feeling like yourself and feeling in general. This is my quest for the magic. Over the past few months the more avenues I tried to climb out of the darkness the darker it became. I began to lose faith in myself, my angels, God and my mother in heaven. I have cried uncontrollably thru days and nights, found myself on my kitchen floor hysterical screaming for someone, anyone to help me and lost a lifetime supply of sleep. I am surrounded by so much love but the one thing that has kept me going everyday is that I have gotten myself into the light once before so I know I can do it again. This road surely has a beginning but I know it may never have an ending, just a change of scenery every so often, and I’m ok with that because I know that each time I fall I will get back up and I will do it as many times as I have to. I may not want to, and may hate it with every fiber of my being, but defeat is not an option and it never will be. For all the mamas and families who are traveling this road now, or have traveled it before, I'm with you. Yes you can get thru this and survive this. Yes you can because you are so loved and supported and this world needs you. Yes you can because you are stronger than this illness. Yes you can because we believe in you. Yes you can. Please keep fighting. Please know that the light will shine again. Please know that you travel this road with all of us at your side and we will help pull you along. This is my MMH journey.