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Mother's Day Can Be Complicated and That's Okay

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I’m not the first to say it, but I believe it bears repeating. MOTHER’S DAY IS HARD FOR SOME PEOPLE. It is a made up day that packs a punch full of expectation. It might be your thing. It might not be your thing.

You don’t need anyone’s permission to feel the way you feel. Ever. But, just in case you need to read them, I’ll offer these words of truth.

If you love Mother’s Day, by all means, please enjoy. Wear that pretty dress, sit proudly with your brood at church, enjoy those beautiful flowers, and eat that yummy brunch. Send flowers to your mom, take mother/daughter photos to post on social media, and gush over how blessed you are. Mother's Day might be difficult for some people, but if it is happy for you- THERE IS NO SHAME IN THAT. Get it, girl.

If you do not love Mother’s Day- if it comes with complicated feelings of grief, sadness, loss, anger, emptiness, or pain- you are under no obligation to participate. You can take the day off from social media. God will still love you if you just can’t do church this Sunday morning. You can sit this one out if you need to. Mother's Day might be happy for some people, but if it is difficult for you- THERE IS NO SHAME IN THAT. You do what you need to do, friend.

YOU GET TO FEEL HOWEVER YOU FEEL. Happy or sad. Joy or grief. Excitement or dread. You can feel one thing or all the things or nothing at all. Whatever your feelings about the second Sunday in May, please know that your feelings are valid.

If this day with your mother is welcomed and it gives you all the warm and fuzzy feelings- that’s okay.

If your own mother is gone and this day without her feels unbearable- that’s okay.

If your relationship with your mother is complicated and doesn’t summon warm hugs and pretty flowers- that’s okay.

If your children shower you with homemade gifts and your mama heart might actually burst from all the feels- that’s okay.

If your heart aches with an unfulfilled desire to be a mom and you just can't face the fuss of the day- that’s okay.

If you are the mother of a child (or children) who has died, and this day stirs up memories that feel too big- that’s okay.

If motherhood doesn’t look like you thought it would and you aren’t quite sure what to make of a day that presents as a Hallmark commercial- that’s okay.

If you are a birth mom who placed her child for adoption and the feelings are just so complicated- that’s okay.

If you are an adoptive mother with overwhelming emotions for the birth mother of your child- that’s okay.

If you are or you have a step mom or a bonus mom or a foster mom or any sort of mother figure and you have feelings that don’t fit in a tidy box- that’s okay.

If ____________, and you feel _____________- that’s okay.

You can feel however you need to feel about whatever your circumstances are.

YOU GET TO ASK FOR WHAT YOU NEED. You can absolutely tell your people what you need and want for Mother's Day. You can say that you'd love to be catered to and pampered all day. You can say that you want to treat the day just like any other. You can say that you’d like to have a big party. You can say that you’d rather be alone. Your people are not mind readers and it's okay to tell them what you need. You get to do that.

This is a made-up day. It was intended for good and then commercialized to the max. In the end, even the woman who created the American version of Mother’s Day tried to get it removed from the calendar. If it serves you and your loved ones well, then enjoy it. If it does not, then that’s okay, too, friend.

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