(Image source: istock photo)
You may have seen the recent news about Chrissy Teigen becoming a new mother. She and her husband, singer John Legend, welcomed a baby girl to the world just a few weeks ago. Instead of the conversation being positive and supportive, there has been an overwhelming amount of 'mom judging' going on, simply because she went out on a date with her husband without her new baby.
Some examples of the negative feedback she has received from women and Moms via social media and the web has been eye opening, and proves that Mom judging has gone too far.
One woman said, "Who wants to leave a one week old baby to go to a bar?" (Source: E! News)
Another called her out by saying,“She worried about showing off her snap back. She gone mess around and catch set back. Wow who do u really trust with your week old baby. Ain’t nothing that important that u have to go out.” (Source: Fox News)
Personally, I think it's her right to do anything she chooses is best for her child and her family. Whether that includes ordering takeout or going to dinner with or without her new child.
Similar to many hundreds of thousands women and Moms in the U.S., she has worked harder than many women have to get to this point. She also went through fertility treatment in order to become pregnant.
As a fellow Mother and fertility patient, I can empathize with her story.
It took me almost 3 years to get pregnant with my daughter, and that alone was an exhausting and emotional process. I can’t imagine being called out on my decisions only weeks after having a child.
This story resonates with so many women in the world that are just doing the best they can as new Moms.
The viral effect of the negative response she received, proves the fact that women and fellow mothers are less than supportive of one another these days. It also proves that mom judging has gone too far.
You see, these types of judgments don’t differentiate between Celebrities and Moms - like you and me. It affects us all in different ways.
We constantly judge one another, and talk about how we do things differently and perhaps better than others. It's almost as if it's become a competition to be the best Mom.
The fact is, and I'm just learning this myself as a Mom to a four-year old, no one is a perfect Mom or Parent. It doesn’t exist.
Here are some examples of everyday challenges that many Mother’s have faced and the perceived judgements they endure. I have also experienced these types of issues myself.
- Mom "A" is scolding her child in public and raising her voice.
- Judgment: That Mom must not have 'control of her child.' She shouldn’t lose her cool.
- Mom "B" just gave her child a lollipop as they had a meltdown at the store.
- Judgment: She must be a 'weak' and an inexperienced Mother. She needs to try harder.
- Mom "C" is breastfeeding at the table.
- Judgment: She isn’t wearing a nursing cover, and its offending me to watch her breastfeed. She should be doing that in the privacy of her home.
- Mom “D” is breastfeeding at the table, and she has glass of wine in front of her.
- Judgment: She is going to breastfeed, and then drink wine. I can’t imagine how that will impact her child later today.
These situations are all common examples of Moms making everyday choices, and in many cases outsiders (and even women we know) disapprove of these choices and imposing their judgments through snide comments, body language, or voiced opinions.
Instead of communicating negatively and judging others, we should all be supporting one another. We should be joining together as women and Moms, just as we do for our friends and family when they have a baby.
I also think it's time we asked ourselves an important question as Mothers and as Women.
Why must we tear other Mom's down in order to make ourselves feel better and more worthy as parents? Does this really help anyone to be so judgmental? Does it make us better parents or prove how good we are at our jobs?
The answer is – No. It doesn't help anyone and it doesn't make us better.
Wouldn't it be more effective in general for all moms to offer a helping hand for that Mom of the child having a meltdown?
We have all been in her shoes.
The fact is, we are all doing the best we can, loving our kids as much as we can, trying to keep them safe and teach them how to be good people.
At the end of the day, isn't that all that really matters?