Alright peeps, it is time for me to get down to the nitty gritty. Mom Guilt - or Dad Guilt - or whatever you want to call it. Almost the entire reason that I started this blog in the first place.
What am I doing as a parent? Am I doing it right? Am I one of those so called "hot mess moms"? Should there be a Buzzfeed video about all the things I have failed at? Why are we even labeling moms as hot messes? What mom (or dad) isn't a hot mess?
I am going to make a list of some of the things I do that make me feel guilty as a mom. You may relate or you may read them and think I need to get my shit together.
Should I really type a list of all the things I have done as a mom that make me feel bad about myself and post it on the internet? If it helps someone feel better, why not? This is real life. I said I would be honest and this is it.
Disclaimer: I blindly typed this list as quickly as possible and I couldn't stop thinking about the things I felt guilty about as I was doing it. I almost cried while I was writing. When I went back and reread it I laughed a couple times because some of the things I - and possibly others - feel guilty about are f*$king ridiculous!!
- I have a full-time job. I also volunteer on two non-profit boards. I also do the books for a local business on the weekend to make some extra money. Should I give up these things to spend more time with Henry?
- Sometimes I let Henry lay in his bed and cry in the morning so I can get an extra few minutes in the shower.
- I used the cry it out method. Judge me all you want. I don't give a shit - at least not now that he has been sleeping through the night since he was eight weeks old. I'm patting myself on the back for that one.
- I buy myself clothes when I need them.
- I get my nails and toes done at least once a month.
- Sometimes I get my dinner ready first and eat it standing up in the kitchen really fast so I don't have to give him all the good bites.
- I let him watch Peppa Pig on the IPad so I can catch up on my DVR.
- I play bunco with my friends once a month, get drunk and complain about my child.
- I take a nap when Henry naps on the weekends instead of cleaning the house and doing the laundry and grocery shopping and all the other things I could be doing.
- If I'm having a bad day I put him to bed early so I can chill out.
- He doesn't get a bath every single night.
- During Logan's baseball season Henry's diet consists of hot dogs, pickles and sugar.
- He has fallen down the stairs three times in the last month. No worries, he is just fine and practically somersaulted out of it Willy Wonka style.
- Sometimes on pretty days I don't take him to the park.
- I only nursed Henry for three weeks. I had to come close to a nervous breakdown to let myself realize I would not give Henry awful allergies and a bad ACT score if he took a bottle. A happy mom that can function is more important than breast milk in my eyes.
- After I had Henry - which included three hours of pushing to an emergency c-section, I let the nurses keep him in the nursery at night so I could sleep.
- I've never taken him to get his picture with the Easter Bunny. The Easter Bunny is terrifying and why would I do that to him?
- He has had his fair share of Happy Meals - with French fries, not apples.
- He has never been to Kindermusik.
- We have never done an arts and crafts project together. I can't even get him to sit still to get dressed.
- Sometimes I take pictures of him when he cries. He looks so cute with his pouty lip!
- When he was one week old I let him stay with his Gigi for a few hours so I could go see Old Crow play at ROMP.
- He doesn't have a baby book.
- I let him watch cartoons for a really long time on Saturday and Sunday morning.
- I let him eat food off the floor. That is pretty gross actually but I try to use the two minute rule.
- I don't think he has ever had an actual play date. Do people really do those?
- He only gets two or three Christmas presents and one birthday present every year.
- I used bumpers in his crib.
- I stopped using his monitor at about three months. His room was next to mine, if there was a real issue I would know.
- He does not eat enough vegetables.
- Sometimes I forget his vitamins in the morning.
- I have sent him to the baby sitter in his pajamas.
- I have smacked his hand for not listening. He replied by saying "No hit, Mama." That was an epic fail.
- I still use Johnson's Baby Wash at bath time. They have a great name on the bottle! It's not like i'm sending him to the tanning bed or letting him smoke cigarettes.
- There are mornings when all he has for breakfast is milk from a sippy cup he will probably hide and I will find one week later.
- I took the batteries out of one of his toys because I couldn't hear the stupid barnyard song one more time.
- I have cussed in front of him.
I could probably type all night long on this list. There are so many more things that give me mom guilt.
But you know what, I think i'm a pretty good mom. My kid is happy, healthy and honestly super funny. I wouldn't go back and change a thing I have done so far.
Moms and dads, don't think of all these as failures, think of them as character builders. We aren't perfect and our kids won't be either. So enjoy the ride and don't be too hard on yourself! They won't be this cute forever!
For more, visit my blog at HashtagMomFail.com!