I've been thinking a lot lately about mom guilt...
Just yesterday, I spilled my heart out on social media about the struggles of being a work from home mom and everything I've been facing. I sit behind my computer or my phone because that's how I make a living. I'm a blogger so my income relies on being able to respond to emails quickly, reply to comments on Facebook and Instagram within minutes and of course, that's where I get my work done.
Most parents use technology for work but the fact is that Ava sees me sitting behind my computer and phone every single day of her life but has no idea that I am working is what makes it so hard -- hard on her and hard on me. I'm working. I'm working my butt off for her. I'm working as hard as I can to give her a happy, healthy, fun-filled life, but she's far too young to understand and all I can ever think about is her thinking, "Wow, mommy loves her technology more than she loves me."
Silly, I know. But the guilt is very very real.
And if you saw my post yesterday, Ava has recently started taking my hands off of my computer and phone the minute I touch them. She grabs my hand and wraps her tiny little fingers around them and pulls me with her tiny little might, leading me away from my technology. I know, way to make me feel less guilty, huh?
I've tried my best to put my computer down and do as much work as possible while she's sleeping but the reality is, there just aren't enough hours in a day. And so, the mom guilt continues.
So I've been thinking a lot about this mom guilt thing. When everyone says, "Don't feel guilty. You've got to do what you've got to do" I get it but I think I'm going to have to disagree.
The guilt I'm feeling is actually a good thing.
It means I want what's best for her. It means I love her to death. It means I would do anything in my power to spend time with her. It means that I value her happiness over everything else. It means that I love her and I love her dearly and I just want her to know that and never ever think twice about it. Mom guilt means I feel passionately about her happiness and it means I am not selfish -- I am putting her first. And it means that I am striving to be the best version of myself and thinking long and hard about how I can best raise her in this world, each and every day.
Mom guilt means we care.
And without it? I wouldn't be doing my job as a parent if I weren't striving each and every day to better myself. I know perfection will never be reached but that guilt I feel drives me to continue striving for that perfection I so desire.
So many moms and dads are so hard on themselves but isn't that what makes us so great? So loving? So amazing at our jobas parents?
Mom guilt means we care enough to care and drives us to strive for perfection every single day.
The next time I am feeling mom guilt because I have a sponsored post I have to write or a draft I need to send over to an advertiser I am going to remember that the guilt I am feeling only shows that I am doing a great job at what I love to do -- being Ava's mommy.
But in the mean time, I'm going to do my best to give myself some slack. I created a human and that alone makes me a super hero.
Photography by Briana Lindsey Photography